Page 58 of Teach Me To Sin
The familiar sound of his cute, snorting giggle soothes me in ways I can’t explain. I’d go back into the fire a hundred times for just one more chance to hear it.
Despite his assertion earlier, Benji falls asleep after only ten or so photos. I sit with him for a while before my stomach rumbles. Everyone’s going to be hungry soon. After extricating myself and tucking him in, I pull my pants back on and sneak into the living area where Alek is snoring quite loudly.
I barely have a chance to read the instructions on the back of a packet of instant noodles when another knock sounds on the blasted door. This time I check the peephole, and the tension leaves my body. It’s replaced by a strange mix of nostalgia, regret, and relief as I pull the door open to face my ex-husband. We’ve talked on the phone, but I haven’t actually seen Gray for five years. “Hi. Why are you here?” I blurt, too tired to have a filter.
“Hey, Cole,” he murmurs in his calming voice, looking me up and down from behind his glasses. “I came to–” When he moves to enter, I grab the door frame instinctively. The only thought in my sluggish brain is that I can’t let anyone inside.
He shoots me a weird look, then tries to pass me again. The word “no” bursts out of me without any input from my conscious self, and I tighten my grip on the frame with white knuckles. He’s almost four inches taller than me, but I try to block him with my body. “They’re sleeping,” I stammer, like that explains everything.
The man pulls back and studies me like he’s actually seeing me for the first time. Understanding floods his face, followed by compassion. “Cole. I’m not going to take either of them away from you. Okay? I just brought lunch.” The sight of the Styrofoam containers and the smell of teriyaki chicken has my stomach growling loudly. Gray smirks. “I’m guessing you still can’t cook?”
“When have I ever been known to make an effort to improve myself?” Prying my fingers off the door and willing my head to calm down, I let him in and follow him into the kitchen. “This aggressive guy showed up and tried to drag Benji back to his family.”
Gray sets the food on the counter and runs a hand through his sleek, blond hair. He’s filled out a little since he got married, and he has a healthy tan. “I didn’t see anyone loitering downstairs. You must have scared him off for now.”
I gesture for him to lower his voice, nodding to the lump of snoring blankets on the couch. “I don’t think we should stay here, though. They’re going to keep harassing him. Even if he goes with them in the end, he needs space to heal first. He’s a wreck; they both are.”
Gray’s the sort of person who always knows what to do. Even at forty, I feel pulled to his calm, solid aura. He squeezes my shoulder, studying my face like he can see the version of me that’s breaking apart and falling away, and the unfamiliar Colson underneath. I wish he’d tell me what what it means. “We’ll think it through, but for now let’s heat up the food.”
Benji
I panicwhen I wake up, because everything’s black again. Maybe I went blind after all. But when I fumble around in the blankets and find my phone, the painful glare of light calms me down. Colson must have just closed the curtains. My back stings when I move wrong, but my arm is worse–an endless throbbing ache that goes all the way up to my teeth.
Hoping Colson can find my pain meds, I put on my sunglasses and slide off the side of the bed. Toes splayed in the rough hotel carpet, I limp in the direction where I think the door is. I have to feel all along the wall until my hands collide with a handle that lets me out into a huge overcast void that smells like teriyaki sauce, with the glow of lights off to one side. I freeze, disoriented and dizzy. “Colson?” I call softly, taking one step into empty space and stopping again.
Immediately, a dark shape moves across the bright area and a familiar hand wraps around mine. “Are you alright?”
“I’d be better if I was eating teriyaki.”
“I can arrange that,” interjects another man’s voice that I don’t know. I shrink back, pulling away from Colson. My dad must have sent someone. God knows how much money he’s offered to give me back. Maybe not that much–everyone’s inconveniencing themselves over me, the shitty, lying brat that ruined everything. They’re probably ready to go home and forget about me.
“Easy,” Colson murmurs. “This is Gray. He’s Victor and Alek’s friend, and my ex. He’s a lawyer, like me.”
“Oh.” I let Colson steer me toward the light with a hand on my back, until I bump into some kind of kitchen island. Now that I’m closer, I can make out the direction of the second moving body. “Hi,” I say to the shape. “I’m Ben– um–” I don’t know who I am anymore.
“This is Benji,” Colson finishes smoothly. I can hear him spooning food onto a plate while the delicious smells get stronger.
“Good to meet you,” the strange voice offers. It’s calm and steady, like a rock in a storm.
“Likewise. Thank you for the food.” I’ve never been so fucking polite in my life, but the only thing Gray knows about me is that I’m the dick who caused this whole mess. I don’t need to make that impression any worse.
I’m not totally sure how to eat without being able to see, but I’m not asking someone to fucking feed me in front of a stranger. Pulling my plate close to me, I straddle one of the bar stools and put my face about two inches from the food, where I can sort of tell what’s going on. For a minute, the scraping of my fork is the only sound. I haven’t had good, hot food since the day before the fire, and the first bite of moist chicken is even better than an orgasm. “Where’s Alek?” I venture after I’ve inhaled a few bites.
Gray chuckles, and Colson says, “Still sleeping behind you. We were trying to be quiet at first, but I’m pretty sure you could set off a firecracker next to his ear and he wouldn’t budge.” I can’t see him, but the thought makes my chest happy. When we got here last night, I could hear the despair in his scratchy voice. The poor man deserves to sleep for weeks.
While I finish my food, Gray starts telling Colson about his family and their farm in Iowa. It sounds like a blast, honestly, with tractors and fields and a dog and a river to explore. The only times I left Seattle were when my dad dragged me along on one of his trips, where we flew from one boring, ugly city to another. I’ve never been somewhere wide open that smells like fresh crops and sunshine.
When I push my empty plate away, I hear Colson take it and rinse it in the sink. “So Benji,” he ventures. “We were talking.”Shit. Here’s the part where he says it’s time for me to go home. Hanging my head, I pick at a bit of dried caulk on the underside of the counter. I wish Colson would come around the island and touch me, instead of standing all the way on the other side. “Gray has an old friend with a vacation home in Birch Bay. It’s on the shore two hours north of here, right at the border.” He pauses, like he’s not sure what to say next, and Gray steps in.
“I suggested that Colson take you up to this place for a few days while you recover, so you’re not being hounded. It’s just an idea. If you want to stay here, or go with your—”
“Please don’t say that,” I interrupt in a weak voice, shaking my head. “I can find somewhere else, though. Colson needs to go to Japan or wherever he’s supposed to be right now. Everyone I know who’s been there says it’s a really great place…” My voice wobbles, but Colson is suddenly right there, pulling my head against his firm body.
“It’s okay,” he whispers, quiet enough that not even Gray can hear. “I’m not going anywhere for now.”
“Really?” I tip my chin up, even though I can’t see his face. His fingers brush along my hairline, careful to avoid the bandages on my shoulder.
“If you want to go, I’ll take you tonight. It would be safer there.”