Page 11 of Sinful Addiction

As soon as she speaks the door slams open and in storms Ava followed closely by Xander.

“Fuck.”I run my hand through my hair and tug on the short ends.I’ve never been this apprehensive about anything.I don’t want her to walk out.I need her to stay.I need her to calm my demons because she’s now the only one who can.

Xander sees it in my eyes.He knows I’m going to go off the rails if I don’t get my shit together.For Ava’s sake though, he lets Lacey walk past him and leave.

I know it’s coming.Ava can throw a bitch fit to rival all, and she follows through with her threats.I’ve been on the receiving end of my own knife with her one too many times.I was lucky then.I’m not so lucky this time.Not with Xander standing behind her firing an imaginary bullet through my head.

“I fucked up.”I need to sort out this shit fast.“Ava, please.I need you to talk to her.I need her to understand.You live with it.You’re the only one who can explain to her there’s more to us, to me, than meets the eye.”

Ava’s eyes turn soft while she absorbs my words.I know she will, she always does.

“This is the very last time, Tony.I won’t be able to keep doing this much longer if you won’t let her in.”There’s a long pause as she decides what to say next.“For what it’s worth, it’s not you she’s running from.”

With her parting words she turns, whispers something into her husband’s ear then kisses him goodbye.

“I had the whore from downstairs kicked out after she tried to attack Ava for your mistake.I won’t tolerate that kind of behavior from you again, Tony.”

“How many second chances have I had lately?Hell, I’d go as far as saying my nine lives have run out.I’m still here, Xander.I’m going to keep fucking up.I don’t know any other way.”

I pull out the little silver tin in my breast pocket then empty the little baggie that’s hidden inside.As I tip the contents out, I eye Xander with a raised brow, challenging him to stop me, which earns me a raised brow in return.He knows I manage better when I’m under a woman or influence of drugs, or both.

I cut the snowy white powder with a small blade, also hidden inside the case, making it finer than powdered sugar.I’m quite happy with the result of the two perfectly cut lines in front of me.I offer Xander the rolled hundred-dollar bill, which he declines.Not wasting any more time, I lean over the dresser enjoying both for myself.

My head snaps upright after the last speck is gone and I rub my nose enjoying the tingly sensation.I know in mere minutes the cocaine will be running through my system and I’m going to feel a lot better about my situation.

It always makes me feel better.

I push past Xander heading toward the elevator.There’s one place I need to be and that’s back at the bar.I need to get a handle on these emotions Lacey stirs in me and what better way than to watch for card counting thieves who deserve to be put down.

A calmness envelops me the moment the high sets in and everything foreign is forgotten.I’m back in my element.The moment my feet step over the threshold of the casino floor, a new current of electricity surges through my veins.

The energizer bunny has nothing on me.

Five

Lacey

Heaviness settles in my heart and tears cloud my vision as I stare at the table in front of me.Throwing money away normally calms me enough to think rationally; it seems today’s events are immune to that form of therapy.

“Excuse me, Miss, are you alright?”A gentle hand rests on my forearm, breaking my trance.I stare at the elderly lady not realizing the table is waiting for me to place my chips down.

“I’m sorry.Here.”I shove whatever I have left into her hands, then run for the elevator not bothering to turn for her calls of concern.

The moment I’m trapped inside, a déjà vu moment causes my stomach to tighten.I was stupid leaving my room.Instead, I should have kickedhimout.I had the resources to make it happen.

Hoping everyone has left my suite, I fumble with the key card to unlock the door then burst into my room when it works to gather my belongings.I can no longer stay in the same hotel ashim.He is everywhere I turn and no matter how hard I try, if I’m anywhere with Ava, he will always be close by.I hate that it’s affecting my friendship with her, but I need to keep my distance until I’m ready to be around him again.

Seeing that woman smothering Antonio with her fake tits was my last straw.How am I supposed to get over him if every time I see a woman flash her eyes in his direction, I get jealous.I have never been that person and I don’t like that he’s bringing this characteristic out in me.

My emotions are all conflicting, not to mention how my body betrays me when he is near.I don’t care if I’m running away again, I need to be back at home in my safety net.

What was I thinking coming here and expecting my problems to resolve themselves?In hindsight it only made them worse and brought forth my baggage; I can’t seem to separate the years of abuse I suffered when I was younger with my life as it currently stands.

I never expected it to go this far with Antonio.I’m not cut out for the life of crime he masters with authority.I am barely making it through life as it is.

I slump onto the bed in defeat and cover my cries with one of the pillows.I can’t continue having a casual relationship with him; it’s going to take every ounce of resilience I have to come back from whatever messed up connection we share.

Then why does the thought of leaving him behind wound me already?