Page 12 of Sinful Addiction
I crawl further onto the bed, cocooning myself in the fetal position.I let the sobs come freely as the aching in my chest tightens.The more air I breathe, the bigger the sobs become until I’m overwhelmed by my situation and hyperventilating.
I can’t stop gulping for air, but it's no use.The more I panic about controlling my breathing, the worse I become.
Dots appear in my vision no matter if I have my eyes open or closed.I’m at the point of no return and I can’t do anything as my throat wheezes with every strangled attempt.
I know this is it.Just take me already.
A set of arms wrap around me.It’s shocking enough that I gasp for air and bolt upright in fear that I’ve let him see just how broken I am.
But it’s Ava’s raw concern I see as I twist my cocooned body in her warmth.She’s worried for me as I sit here catching my breath at the same time trying to steady my heart rate and wait for the dizziness to subside.
Of course, she came looking for me.She always picks up the pieces.But I love her for that.I’ve had many friends come and go, but she’s been the one constant to come from my twenty-five years of life.
“Talk to me, sweetie.What’s going on with you two lately?None of you will talk to me and Alexander is being a contemptible fool.”
I do a double take at her description.Laughter bubbles up my throat ending in me getting the hiccups.Of all the things she could say, she basically just called her husband a jackass.
“I mean it, Lacey.What can I do to help you make this better?We can change the swipe card code and order room service, that way no unwanted guests can barge in here.We could find a nice club and drink the entire cocktail menu.I can bring the cocktail bar to our suite.You name it and it’s yours.”
I love that she loves me enough to do those things, but it doesn’t deter me.
“I want to go home.”
Like a homesick child I want the comfort of my own bed.I want to be able to lock myself away and be able to ignore the outside world.
For once I have a choice, unlike many years ago.
“Okay.”Her voice is softly spoken.She knows me well enough to not try me on this one.
“Thank you.I’m sorry our trip was a waste of time, but I can no longer be near him if he takes his problems out on me instead of working with me to overcome them.I need time to myself to think and process what it all means.What I’m going to do moving forward and maybe find someone who is less of—”
“A demon?”Ava’s words don’t shock me.She’s right.
“Yeah.Something like that.I thought I could ignore his lifestyle choices.I have overlooked many things, but I won’t condone the way he changes personalities and what he expects to happen like it’s normal, and I’m supposed to be okay with it without an explanation.I can’t look past that.I just can’t.I want more than he’s willing to give.I deserve better.”The tears are back and the longer I think about the real reasons why I can’t, the worse I put my mind in a state of panic.
Words from my past taunt me.Worthless little girl.Ungrateful bitch.Teasing slut.The worst of all,princess.I can’t hold my emotions any longer.
“Oh, honey.What has happened to you?I’ve never seen you this upset, ever.”I’m in Ava’s arms desperate to banish the horrible memories I’ve kept to myself for all these years, until Antonio reopened the door.
Secrets of abuse that I’ve tried so hard to lock away.
With an extra squeeze, an ugly blubbering inhale, and an inner pep talk to try to calm myself, I pull out of our embrace with a fake smile.
“I’m fine.I mean, I will be.Eventually.Being here isn’t going to do me any good whilehe’shere.I’ll book my own flights.I just want to go home.”
She knows I’m deflecting her question, but I will not talk about it with anyone.
“Let me see what I can do.In the meantime, raid the mini bar and try to relax.I’ll make sure Tony doesn’t know our plans.”Her commiseration toward my situation shows how much trust she has in me.She hasn’t pushed the issue nor expected anything from me.
I shuffle up the bed and lay my head on one of the twenty-something lush throw pillows.As I close my eyes I hear the soft click of the door latch, and I know Ava’s gone.
Silence enhances the voices in my head once again.I can’t grasp why I was able to watch and be involved in Ava’s rescue.How I loved frequenting the club under the guise it was what I wanted when really it satisfied my inner succubus.
I don’t want to think about how he tied me up or filled me with beads and plugs while he flicked his tongue through my pussy lips.He has ruined me for all men, and I know bedroom sex will never be as exciting again.
Aggravated, I sit up knowing the longer I stay here the more these thoughts are going to lead me back to him.
I could pay for a chartered plane if I want, so I don’t know why I’m relying on Ava.Maybe I have become too dependent on her generosity.For once it’s not me who has to worry about the repercussions of using Dad’s money even though it’s at my disposal.