Page 54 of Sinful Addiction
“I’m not sure what has gotten into you, but I’m not complaining,” I say as I buck my hips to help her.I take her lace panties and rip the seam clean apart.I know she should be resting, but something about this moment seems important to her, and I intend to let her take everything she needs from me.Including sex therapy.
At this moment I understand what it’s like to relinquish full control, and for the first time I’m accepting it.
I wake with crazed hair covering my face, an arm and leg sprawled over my body that are attached to a remarkably erotic and naked female.I brush Lacey’s hair behind her ear and watch as she stirs.
“Good morning.”My huskiness vibrates through my chest.
“Morning, handsome,” Lacey replies, sleep mused.
“How are you this morning?”I’m careful to keep the concern to a minimum.I know Lacey won’t want me making a fuss about last night.Rather, if I know her well—and I do—she’ll want to forget about it.Most of it.Not the hot sex part, as she rode my cock like the world was ending.
“I’m a little sore, but other than that, okay…I guess.Nothing morning sex, a latte and a cigarette won’t fix.”
Is she serious?She doesn’t fucking smoke!
“You’re a brat.”I laugh.
“And you need to stop worrying about me.I’m fine.It happened and you saved me.Aside from the sexy time and beautiful gifts, I want to forget the rest.”
This is anI told you somoment.
“So, anything else on your mind?”I use distraction tactics by running my fingertips across her stomach in hopes I don’t come across as a lovesick teenager crushing on his first real girlfriend.
“You mean my decision to move in with you, or the other thing?”She pushes herself up on an elbow and raises an eyebrow at me to sayI’m not that stupid.
“It makes sense.I can have your condo moved in by this afternoon.There’s plenty of room, and if there’s not, I’ll call the architect here for you to make room.”
“Listen to yourself.First we couldn't stand each other, then you tell me you love me then basically order me to move in with you.I need to process this.Actually, you won’t get any answers from me until I’m caffeinated.”She rolls to the edge of the king-sized bed, out of arm's reach.
“I’ll make you a deal—” I start, but she cuts me off.
“You cannot barter with my life like this.Just because we’ve taken a giant step forward, doesn’t mean everything has to happen right now.I love you, more than I’ll ever be able to express, but the answer is no.”She looks saddened.I hate that I've put her in this disposition.
“Fine.No deals.At least decide after I tell you about my brother.Fair is fair.You opened up about your past, so I need to honor our trust and do the same.After your latte.”I smirk.
“You play dirty,” she sasses.
“And you fucking love it,” I quip.
Lacey was right.She’s a different person when caffeinated.Last night was the first time she’s ever slept over.In the past she was purely a hard fuck.Lies.She’s always meant more to me than I cared to admit, only I’d never before brought her home past the sofa or to sleep over.
Pulling her from that bath and staying awake while she had nightmares was the fastest way for me to man up and admit she’s been right all along.I’ve been holding back for selfish reasons.
I’ve sat her down on the sofa with another coffee, getting her ready to hear the reason she received those damn photos and what made me the man I am today.Bringing it up brings me a lot of pain, both physical and heartache.
“I need you to understand something.I’m going to get angry and possibly lash out, but it’s not your fault.None of my later behavior is.You have to promise to stay where you are, don’t come near me and definitely don’t touch me.Can you do that?”I’m already wound up.Though, in hindsight Lacey has been through worse and she seemed to manage.If my worrier pixie can, I sure as fuck can, too.
“I’m right here when you need me.”She sits back while I pace the room figuring out how to break free of the barrier that holds my memories.
“My family was dysfunctional.Mom and Dad both took drugs.Dad more than Mom, but he also set us up for a life that wasn’t really a life.From an age, far too young, I took beating after beating, both physical and verbal.I was the mistake of the family; they never wanted me.In their eyes they wanted a girl and because I wasn’t, they took it upon themselves to treat me like shit, despite having Leona.They taught Darius, who is four and a half years older than me, that it was okay to abuse me like they did.The older I got the harder the hits became and the less I did todeservethem.I learnt relatively quickly I was on my own.”
This is harder than I expected.Already I need to lash out at something to make their disloyalty hurt a little less.Where the fuck are my knives when I need them?I take a few deep breaths then continue.
“I never put a foot wrong, yet somehow, I was labeled a liar, a cheat, thief, scum, bitch, and much more.Whenever I tried to defend myself after the fact, I was put outside until I was ready to apologize.Basically, I had to wait until everyone was asleep, in a drug induced coma or left the house before I was in the clear.Never had I deserved any of it.I was lucky to have one family member who cared for me.Leona.She was my baby sister.Although she was only a year younger than me, she could do no wrong, but I never resented her for the way they treated her over me.My theory was if she was being treated differently than me, better than me, she was safe.She looked after me whenever I had broken bones, bruises, burns, scratches, whatever else my family inflicted on me.I was basically their human punching bag.
“Sometimes Mom would be a mom, and she’d read to me or make me food.Mostly, she forgot about me.I’d go to school with nothing but the dirty clothes on my back and run down shoes.I was picked on there too.At times I wanted to run away and never return, but it was Leona who made me stay.She was intelligent for her age, and we had a plan to do it together.She knew about the drugs, alcohol and women Dad was messing around with.She knew Darius was smoking weed and driving under the age limit.She used to avert them from their focus on me with her gentle voice, asking them to do her a favor, like reaching for the food in the cupboards they kept out of reach from us.She saved me more times than I could count, yet I failed her.The one time she needed me I wasn’t there when she suffered.”
The anger in me is consuming every fiber of my being.I pour whiskey into a tumbler and attempt to let the smooth amber liquid extinguish the fury festering inside.One turns into four as I regain an ounce of strength to see this story through.