Page 55 of Sinful Addiction
“I was in middle school when it happened.Leona had stayed home because she was feeling ill.So, when I came home that day to see if she was better, I didn’t expect to see her lifeless body lying on her bed with Dad’s on the floor next to her, both covered in pools of blood while Darius held a bloodied knife.He’d stabbed them both to death.Mom wasn’t home yet, but I knew she’d come home and blame it all on me somehow.So, I did the only thing I could, and I ran to the neighbors across the street and called the police.She was twelve fucking years old!She didn’t deserve any of it.”
Glass debris surrounds my bare feet.I didn’t realize I’d thrown the glass until I stepped on it.I welcome the sting from the hard shard that’s dug into my foot and broken my dark haze.As I look down, the varnished floorboards are stained red with blood.It’s a little price to pay for the pain Leona would have suffered.
I move to sit on the couch across from Lacey to pluck it out and clean myself up, then continue the rest of my story before I can’t.
“I called the police, and they arrested Darius.Mom blamed me like I knew she would and kicked me out of the house.I’d finally gotten out of there but hated that I had to leave Leona behind.I stayed at the house across the street for a while until child protective services took me into foster care.I didn’t last one family before I ran away.I left Pittsburgh after her funeral and found myself roaming the streets until I met Xander.I made it to New York, and it was him and Elizabeth who looked after me until she died shortly after.As we grew older, and his father tried to groom him, Xander taught me how to harness the darkness consuming me.”
I’m thankful Lacey listened and hasn’t said a word, yet when I look over, I see why.She’s crying what should be years of my own pent-up tears, grieving for a boy who no longer exists.Not only does her upset unsettle me, but it also drives me harder to finish what I started.She deserves to know everything.
“Every year I visit her.Every day I blame myself for her death.I wasn’t there to protect her like I’d promised.I know you don’t want to hear this, but I won’t rest until my brother suffers.This is another reason I don’t want you living in that condo.I want you here, under my protection.I won’t make the same mistake twice.”I take long agonizing breaths.
Time passes as we sit in silence.She held her word and let me say what I needed to, now I fear I’ve put too much of my burden on her shoulders.I was fine carrying the weight on my own.I don't know what it’s like to have someone else share it with me.I’ve never second guessed myself like this either.Lacey is bringing out a lot of firsts for me, and I’m starting to lose sight of who I am.Or is she helping me to find the man I’m supposed to be with her?Either way, I don’t have a chance to express it as she stands and walks away.
Twenty-Three
Lacey
I’m speechless.This whole time he’s been fighting with himself for things out of his control and attached himself to the very weapon that took his closest family from him.To see the transition of a dangerous man through and through to the man who’s sitting opposite me now fighting with his inner emotions is destressing.It’s tearing me apart wondering if I’m allowed to go near him so I can comfort him in his time of anguish as he has many times over for me.
He scared me as he threw his glass on the floor.He warned me that his frame of mind isn’t one that needs to be disturbed and now I can see why.He blindly lost control.
“You shouldn’t be drinking,” his broken voice says from across the room as I reach the bar.
“It’s a good thing I’m not.”I pour a glass then take the drink over to him.Instead of accepting it like I thought he would, he grabs me around the waist and pulls me onto his lap, the liquid splashing us both in the process.
Antonio takes the glass then licks the spilt droplets from my jawline.“Mm, my favorite flavor.”
I giggle at the contact as his tongue tickles my neck, then move my head away to face him with seriousness.
“You can’t ignore this situation.Let me be here for you.”I rub the stubble on his jaw while searching the depths of his bronzed globes.As I look into his eyes, the hardness begins to soften.I know then I have his full attention.
“I love you, Antonio.I’ve never met a man more infuriating and humble all at once.For some unknown reason we complement each other, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.You are who you are because of the bullshit life has thrown at you, as am I.We’re survivors.What happened in here just now doesn’t define you, it makes you stronger.It tells me that you’d move heaven and earth to protect the ones you love most.I see it every time you’re with Xander.I feel it when we’re together.I’m so incredibly sorry about Leona.What happened to her…” A new set of tears stream down my face as I remember the frightful words.
“Do you understand now why I need you here?I know you’re not her, but it doesn’t stop me from needing you safe.Not only that, but I want you here, for us.Fuck Envy, fuck the playroom, I don’t need any of if it.You’re my little pixie.The hurricane that knocked me on my knees, remember.You’re the most important person in my life now.”His gentle tone and touch are a stark contrast to the harshness he emitted earlier.“Please, don’t cry for me.”
Right now, he’s showing me the passionate man only I’m allowed to see.I snuggle into his warm body, savoring this moment.
“For what it’s worth, I was going to say yes to moving in.”I smile into his shirt as his body relaxes.
“Thank you.”His breath is barely a whisper as he presses a kiss to the top of my head.
“For what?”I lean back once more.
“For staying.”He’s referring to the bathroom incident.Thinking about the reason for it brings more panic than the incident itself.However, with Antonio grounding me I’m able to breathe through it.
“Thank you for not letting go.”I nestle my head into the crook of his neck and close my eyes.Breathing in his scent while being cocooned in his presence helps me relax.I haven't properly processed what happened to me, quite the opposite–I've been blocking it out.Having the strength to talk about my past and have Antonio speak of his has taken precedent.In any natural situation I should be dealing with one thing at a time, although that’s impossible when there are so many elements at play.Being held and feeling safe isn’t going to take away my thoughts, but it’s quietening them.I still have threats out there and while I need to deal with them as well, they’ll still be there tomorrow.
“Come on, babe, I’m taking you to bed.”I can feel my own weight being lifted from under me as he carries me through the house.
“A nap sounds good,” I muse, already drifting off.
I’m laid on the bed about to ask Antonio to stay when the mattress dips beside me.Naturally I roll into his side as he pulls the covers over us and tucks me in.
“Home.”I mimic his words from earlier because he’s right.There’s no place quite like it.
“Antonio?”I was hoping he’d be here when I woke up, so when I find the bed empty, I start to worry.
He emerges a short while later with a mug of steaming coffee.I sit up against the mound of pillows to accept my elixir of life.