Page 11 of Blurry Little Lines
“Justifiable.” It comes out in a higher pitch like a question. “I don’t know if it’s good for a child to adapt to a situation that quickly or not.” I turn to Max, dumbfounded.
“Are you scared she will give up feelings like Lauren did prior to Adam?” Max asks.
“Benson and Mallory were never that close to begin with. I’m glad she’s not completely torn up over this situation, but it just feels…” I can’t wrap my head around the reality of it all.
“It confirms that your divorce and becoming a single mother isn’t just a bad dream.”
“Exactly.” I love that he can read my mind. “Except my divorce has not been finalized.” Not that I have any hope or desire to rekindle it anymore.
Lauren and Adam link arms as they walk down the waterfront strip of piers. Max walks beside Adam, talking about some fight they watched. I quicken my steps to catch up after stopping at a market vendor to purchase one too many homemade candles I’ll probably never light. I bump into Max’s back as two tall women smile, stopping us. Since both women surround him, I stay put. The blonde one reaches a hand out to Lauren’s arm.
“Hey, I’m Callista Nova.” She smiles as if the name should ring a bell. I notice she’s lean and almost as tall as Lauren. “Have you found any fun spots that are a must-see?”
“Um, hi.” Lauren squints, her green eyes confused. “Do I know you?”
“Girl, we are in the city for the big modeling event as well.” The other tall tan girl replies. They are both gorgeous, with strong foreign accents.
“Oh.” Lauren starts to giggle. “I’m actually not here for that.” With her five-foot-eleven lean frame and killer cheekbones, most people peg her as a model instead of a trauma nurse. “But that place, right there”—she points ahead—“has the best smoothies I’ve ever tasted.”
Callista gives Max a once-over with approving eyes. Her teeth toy with her lip before she takes a step closer. “I know the evening would be even tastier if you joined us.”Is this woman for real?The audacity.
Max clears his throat as I watch how his mind is trying to form a response. Callista must have one hell of a spell over him. He runs a hand through his soft dirty blond hair and shoots her a wink. “I’m going to pass this time around, beautiful.”
She flinches, clearly not used to hearing no. “Do you have a girlfriend?” Both she and her friend shoot me a faint snarl as I stand still, looking up at everyone.
I feel like a child amongst those close to and over six feet. I hover at five-foot-two, while my brother Adam stands at a proud six-three. If only money could buy me an extra five inches, I swear I’d gain a bit more respect without using my financial status or breaking my back with the heels I wear in the office.
“Nah, relationships can lead to a future, and I can’t promise anyone I’ll be in it forever.”
The familiar ache in my heart comes to life whenever I hear Max state his truth. I see how amazing he is with children. I also know how his childhood justifies his choice. I hope my children hold different values than his.
“Enjoy your night, ladies.” Adam nods, terminating our interaction with them as we continue our walk. “Max, you’re a dumbass for not taking her home. Or even both of them.”
“No, I’m happy to leave those wild times in my twenties.” Max chuckles, then reaches for my hand to pull me closer. “Plus, I don’t want to leave your sister as a third wheel with you two lovebirds.”
An internal gut punch knocks the wind out of me, even though that was supposed to be an act of kindness. I’m not a pity charity case. If it isn’t obvious, I’ve been nothing more than a friend. I feel like it’s my fault he didn’t get to hook up with those leggy models tonight. Those women oozed the confidence I only wish to have. Or learned how to obtain it earlier. Maybe with sexual confidence like that, Benson wouldn’t have grown bored, or I would have attracted a guy similar to Max to make my toes curl. But then I wouldn’t have my kids, and I love them more than anything. My brain runs a vicious cycle of non-stop thoughts.
“Hey, guys, I actually just want to go home.” At least no one but myself can judge my self-pity there.
“We haven’t even eaten.” Lauren pouts, but continues walking ahead with Adam.
“I’m fine. Enjoy your night.” I let go of Max’s hand. “If you’re lucky, you can probably still catch up to those models.” I smile, but hear a faint tone of hurt come out toward the end.
“Kelsie, hold up.” Max follows me to the corner streetlight. “I wasn’t going to take either of them home, even if I was here alone. I haven’t lived that lifestyle in about a year.” Is it because I’ve been too needy, taking him away from his lavish life of women?
“You’ve gone a year without sex?” I feel my eyes bulge out of my head in surprise.
“No, but I don’t sleep with every woman who gives me the opportunity anymore.” Max’s eyes look into mine, and I quickly glance away, realizing it was a bad choice. “No, no, no.” His hand gently tips my chin back up, but I can't bring myself to meet his eyes. “You have never avoided my eyes before. What are you scared of me seeing?” Curiosity and hurt lace his deep voice.
Confusion? Jealousy? How I longed for my husband to devour me with his eyes the same way I’d watch Max eyeball women throughout the years, or the way Adam looks at Lauren? Self-sabotaging thoughts spiral through my mind and make my brain feel light and off kilter. I’m not tall enough, pretty enough, lack the sex appeal. Sure, I can run a tight ship and kick ass in the corporate world, but will I always be the soft-featured good girl everyone sees?
“Nothing.” Why are my eyes burning? This emotional tidal wave rolls from my stomach to my nose, leaving a sting inside.
After Max’s confession of knowing how to treat a woman’s body, my skin has been hyper aware every time he touches me. There is a constant reel of what he is like in bed and if he could actually make my body feel something. I’m embarrassed and turned on at the same time, but I shouldn’t feel so hurt knowing he has zero interest in me.
I won’t get involved in a relationship again, nor will I sleep around. God forbid the elite’s label me as a skank. My heart beats loud through my ears over the busy city streets. I stand motionless, chewing the inside of my cheek, as if words will magically form.
“Kelsie.” He holds my gaze, but says nothing else.