Page 45 of Blurry Little Lines
“I know.” He sounds so sure, but I can feel his gaze carefully watching me. “You don’t want me holding your hair back while you puke all night. I was scared you had alcohol poisoning during your last Patron and wine episode.” My lips act as a barrier between my teeth as I wince from the memory. “Do you want to tell me what happened with Benson earlier that night?”
And just like that, the night I held this bottle in this very spot, my world changed. My heart had been demolished and nothing could numb the pain. I pop the top off the bottle and smell the potent liquid. Sighing, I swing my eyes over to Max, who intently watches my next move. The bottle clanks on the granite island, and I’m taken back in time.
“Wow, I leave for work and come back to the mother of my children doing shots?” Benson’s voice cuts through the silence. I wince, but it’s not from the shot I just took.
“Your children who I raise alone?” It wasn’t long ago he told me he wanted out of this relationship before taking off for another business trip the next morning. “You don’t get to judge me when you leave for over a month. One, you didn’t have to be gone that long, and second, you never picked up the damn phone to call your children. Ever.”
“I’m trying to make money, Kelsie.”
“Whose building did you just walk into, Benson?” I’m not one to throw my status or money in people’s face, but the nerve this man has is spewing hate. “We could easily be a close family if you didn’t care about fancy yachts or your ego.” His eyes darken as he towers over me. The scowl on his face like he’s about to tell off a child.
“I want to make something for myself too. I work hard.”
“By using my family’s name. Benson, I never cared about your status. I just wanted us to be a happy family.” My voice breaks, but I square my shoulders. “We were so happy the first few years leading up to James.”
“I did the best I could to keep you happy.” He shrugs as if he has nothing left to give. “I kept trying to figure out how to build my own path and give you a family life you seemed to want to have.”
“I wanted to have?” My hands meet my chest as I feel myself cave in. “Benson, we are a team. You were excited about our children as well.” Tell me I’m not wrong. “Counseling could fix us. Or at least we could live amicably for Mallory and James. They need both of us.”
“I’ve wanted out of this relationship for a long while, Kelsie.” Benson pours his own shot. “I don’t want therapy, you, or the kids.”
My throat dips to my stomach at his confession. This, this is still salvageable. Maybe I need to start getting back in shape, back to work, ask if he wants my ass to be perkier. I’ve seen the type of women who hang out and party on yachts.
“Benson, I’m not sure you know what you’re saying.” He had a shot; I’d let him blame it on the alcohol to deny his last sentence. I can forgive him if he wants this to work.
“How much of that shit have you drunk? That’s not very ladylike, you know.” I stifle an eye roll. I know all about the perfect image. “I said I don’t want you or the kids. I’ll terminate my rights.” Happy early birthday to our six-year-old.
“Benson,” is all I can manage to say as my stomach squeezes. My eyes burn, wide open with shock. “How long have you known?” I push my feelings down as the alcohol kicks in. “How long ago did you know you wanted out?”
“That doesn’t matter, Kelsie.”
“The hell it doesn’t!” My voice grows, but I turn it to a whisper-yell so I don’t wake our kids. “I want an answer.”
“I don’t have an exact date when I realized a wife and kids weren’t for me.” I cross my arms and tighten my jaw to prove I’m not letting him get off that easy. “About eight months after you gave birth.”
“You were so excited to have a son.” Disbelief crawls through veins and nausea sets in.
“Eight months after Mallory,” he reiterates without a look of remorse. “James was my last hope to fall in love with you fully and make everything right.”
“James was conceived out of pity?” My heart hurts as my exhale becomes trapped on the roof of my mouth, sending pressure to my lungs. “A pity fuck?” I let myself swear. I can’t unhear his truths as much as I want beautiful lies to take over and we forget the past couple of months ever happened.
“Don’t talk with language like that. And no, not exactly. Telling you I was in love with you over the years was out of pity.” Just when you think the knife can’t twist any further.
“Tell me more,” I grit out and debate tossing the bottle of Patron against his head. “Make me hate you so it doesn’t hurt as bad to lose what I thought was love.”
“Love?” His eyebrows raise and I’m glad my children look like my side of the family, so I’m not reminded of him as much. “You can be pretty naïve for someone who rules part of this world's billion-dollar elite society. But, yes, Kelsie. I knew you would be an easy target to help fund my company. I love parts of you.” His half smile churns bile in my stomach. “You’re sweet and caring. I was happy to have Mallory, but then she took up time and you always wanted me home every night to see both of you.”
“You were choosing to party on ‘business’ instead of being with your family.”
“It’s called networking, babe. You should be familiar with that word.”
“I’ve been busy parenting. You’ve never given much thought to the meaning of that word.”
“See, you understand too.” He nods and brushes past me. “I’ll have my lawyer contact yours with the paperwork. I came here to grab a few things and head back out.”
“You’re giving up that easy?” My voice cracks.
“I’m not exactly giving something up if I never fully wanted it to begin with.” Benson heads to our room that has become inherently only mine.