Page 46 of Blurry Little Lines
And as soon as Benson left, I let a bottle of wine take over my body. Then I sent Max a text, unsure if he’d reply after his late-night bartending duties downstairs. Just as he promised me years ago, he was right by my side as my world came crashing down.
My eyes stay fixated on the warped objects as I stare through the clear bottle of liquid poison. I never told Max what happened the night he found me. I was too drunk and tired to turn him away. No questions were asked as he held my hair back while I vomited into the early morning. I keep my eyes on the bottle because I don’t dare stare back into the ones who make me feel safe. My humiliation is at an all-time high for not seeing through Benson’s façade sooner. For being desperate enough to want us to work for our children’s sake. Some people can hide their true colors until they get what they need, and he was the flipping camouflage king. Or, I was too wrapped up in the idea of what we would become.
“You told us he wanted to give up his rights, but never in such detail.” Max walks up to me, kissing my temple to calm the anxiety. I had expected him to be pissed, or at least swear.
“I am still embarrassed at how I didn’t see through his fake love.” I feel my eyes glaze over from more unwanted tears. Gosh, I’m not one to cry, but in Max’s arms, it’s hard to stay guarded. “I hate how James’s soul was brought to life from pity.”
“Stop, Kelsie.” Max wraps his arms tighter around me, and my lungs fill as I hold my breath. “Your love created him. Carried him. Because of Benson’s desperate act, you have a loving, joyful son.”
“I almost wish he lied to keep us together and stay a family.”
“A family crumbling from truth only means it was built upon lies. Your heart deserves more than that.”
“I’m feeling angrier than hurt,” I admit.
“Because he lied?”
“Because he wasted my time!” Backing out of his embrace, I throw my hands up. “I keep thinking where I would be right now if he ended it when he wanted to years ago.” Max’s hands take hold of my wrists as his thumbs brush over my pulse points. “I would have been years past this hurt and would have been young enough to maybe get back into the dating world. The kids would have already had years to heal.”
“You’re not old, Kelsie.”
“I just wonder if at this moment, I might have been standing in the kitchen with a man I deserve and…” I try to hold my voice together. “And, maybe have a baby on the way. God, he wasted so many years of my life.” I let my tears fall.
“I wanted Benson to be the right man for you, Kelsie.” His hands cup my jaw as his thumbs wipe away my tears. “No one wants to see a family torn apart. I know how much you wanted the family life, and I hope one day you’ll get it.”
“Me too, Max. But I don’t expect it will happen again,” I whisper. “I’m thirty-two and not even in the dating world.”
“There are plenty of guys out there wanting the same things in life that you desire,” he whispers as he steps into me again. “You’ll be granted the family life you’ve dreamed of one day. If that’s what you really want, Kelsie, keep the faith.”
His arms engulf me with security as I stand with my head pressed against his firm chest. Max’s steady heartbeat against my ear soothes my anxiety, and a yawn finally escapes. His lips kiss the top of my head, and I pull away with a pathetic smile. At least we are back to the way things were prior to us sleeping together, and him being finished with repeats.
I remain as calm as possible because if anyone knew about tomorrow’s event, they’d be gulping down Patrons with me. I head to my room for the night and hope sleep will be kind to me tonight.
My fresh manicure would already be painted in the flesh of Benson, if we weren’t in the law office. The sharp glare I direct at him only escalates his smirk as he relaxes in his chair across from me. My lips press together as a barrier to my teeth, but I welcome the pain. I slam the gossip magazine shut that he proudly dropped in my lap upon his entry. This asshole even took the initiative to stick a Post-it note with a shitty drawn smiley face to mark the article. The woman behind the front desk quickly averts her eyes as I glance toward her. She’s probably scared to become a witness and will end up needing to testify against me over this damn article.
The article where I’m somehow painted as the billionaire who wanted the best of both boys. Yes, as if the split is my fault with my unfaithfulness with thealleged male friendwho seems to tag along to public events with the children and me. Maybe if the actual father stepped up his game, another man wouldn’t tag along to help with children he didn’t create. Benson stands, straightening his suit, and my nose catches a whiff of the cheap cologne he still wears. Besides his narcissistic ways, his scent caused a headache too. You’d think with the money from this divorce, he'd purchase a better product.
“My days keep getting better and better.” He nods my way. “It’s nice to finally see how hard work pays off.”Would the office lady rat on me if I shove these magazine pages down his throat?
“I’m glad our final divorce signing was bumped up sooner. Today has been such a blessing.” I stand and he notices my height in these new heels. “I think the lawyers realized my worth as well.” It could also be me throwing a secret large check to the right people in order to finalize this divorce in a timely manner.
“That’s a little rude, Kelsie.” Benson steps closer, keeping his voice hushed from the secretary.
“Oh, but walking out on your family and robbing the mother of your children isn’t?” I channel my sass and enjoy the way his head pulls back in shock of it.
“Look, the money part of it is business. I’m just upholding our marriage contract.”
“A contract you now want to shred.” I square my small shoulders and step into him inches away, narrowing my eyes.
I fearlessly hold his stare and debate piercing my spiked heels through his Italian leather shoes. The hatred I now have for this man clenches my gut. My nose begins to burn from his over-applied cologne, and I need to step back. He’s quick to read my mind because his arms wrap around me, pulling me into his chest. I flinch as my cheek rests against him and hope my makeup ruins his suit.
“If you wanted one last hug, you could have asked,” he jokes, but I’m void of laughs. “Look at us bickering like an old married couple. Pretty shortly, we will no longer get another moment like this.” His hand rubs my back as I shove him away.
I jump as the office door opens, summoning us before I have time to push him down and slice his skin with those damn magazine pages. Is death by paper cuts a thing? I strut into the room, swaying my hips as Benson trails behind. I know he never paid much attention to me while we were together, but the feminine side has been awakened, thanks to Max. The man who isnotresponsible for the split. I have been enlightened that my issues with sex were not issues at all. It was the man behind me who hopefully realizes what he will be missing after the papers are signed.
I talk as little as possible and avoid eye contact with everyone unless they’re speaking directly to me. Though my focus should remain on how I’m here to say a forever goodbye to my ex, my mind keeps drifting to the fun Max and I could have on this long wooden table.Maybe another office visit wouldn’t be so bad.Focus. He made it clear we are finished.
Benson and I sign away everything we once were. Once upon a time, there was an ounce of hope he would cancel this divorce he filed for. Now, I feel free. Weightless to wait for his return and giving our children the attention that they expected from their father. I finish up and make my way to the stairs as the elevator chimes closed. I know walking down in these heels will allow Benson enough time to leave.