Page 72 of Blurry Little Lines
“Fuck, Kath-er-ine,” he mimics my articulation, “wasn’t you, and I couldn’t finish what we started. I only wantyou.” His voice laces with desperation as he walks toward me. “You were my first brunette, and supposed to be the only.”
“First brunette?” He hits me with a truth I’d been trying to ignore. “She recognized you.”
“Yes, she did.” Well, at least he doesn’t deny it.
“And?” I zone in on a pair of sweats tossed on my chair across the room, but decide to hold my ground and stay put.
“And, after you called us off, swearing you and I would never happen again, I believed you.” His eyes drift to my exposed legs as I cross my arms, pulling my sweatshirt up a bit. “I respected your answer, even though it pained me. I thought some random chick Eric partied with would be a great way to get over you. It didn’t work, Kelsie. I had no idea that Katy was theKath-er-ineyou and Adam hate so much.” He steps forward, and I step back. “I stopped our interaction because I couldn’t focus on anything but thoughts of you. My body only wanted your touch on it. I had planned to tell you the next day.”
“Oh, that’s a relief.” Manic takes over my voice. “I call us off and your response to being cut off of sex is…” I recall that week and as his face scrunches with hurt as he waits for me to piece things together. “Eric’s party… the one Adam was invited to the night before the meeting.” My stomach turns and confusion hits me… if Max’s current speech is only out of guilt. “The night before Mallory handed me the damnmath stick.” I shake my head, disgusted with him and myself. “One week. You tried to replace me after a week!” I stomp over to the chair for my sweats.
I huff out a breath and continue. “Are you happy that I’m now trapped by your side for the next eighteen years? Go, because I probably won’t touch you again. There, you’re free to fuck whoever you want because God forbid, I make you wait while I figure my feelings out!”Don’t cry, Kelsie, the sting in your nose will go away with a few deep breaths.
He remains quiet and nods, letting me get everything I need out. I hate his understanding of my emotions even more. My chest is heaving with frustration as I process my harsh words against his chill demeanor. I have a right to be pissed. But I can also over-exaggerate with these hormones–thanks tohim. Like a fool, I end up sitting on the bed, trying to slip these sweats on because this damn bump makes it difficult to stand and put pants on now. Max watches me intently, and I know it’s bugging him to not offer his help. Even though he knows I’d give a rude remark, or kick him if he bends, he could at least trysomething.
“I am happy, and I hope to be by your side. Past the eighteen-year mark. What I don’t want is for you to feel trapped about anything.” His voice is soft. “I have taken myself by surprise the past year. I never knew I wanted any of this until I had it with you. I didn’t want you to call us off in the first place, but I knew you were going through a lot.”
“You didn’t try to fight for me the night I ended our fun when you were moving back to your condo.” I shrug and take his offered hand to help me stand.
“I just wanted you to be happy.” He runs a hand through his hair.
“Yeah, I was really happy when you called off letting me fuck you when my body was desperate for orgasms.”Okay, maybe that’s a little selfish, Kelsie.
“I gained new standards for myself. I want all of you. I want all of us.” He steps forward, placing his hands on my stomach. “Let’s be the family you always dream of.”
“Did you run off with other women when I cut you off completely and was puking my guts out for months?” I want to push his hands away, yet they comfort me at the same time. “Your dick can’t seem to handle more than a week without action.”
“Dammit. Did you not hear me? I only want you, Kelsie.” His hand cup my face. “I will be celibate the rest of my life if I can no longer have your body.”
“Words again.” I sigh, and exhaustion comes over me in full force.
“Do you want me to drop down on one knee and propose?” I know he’s serious if I nod, but he needs to stay true to himself.
“No. I’m done with that. You should already know this.” Just as I look at my comfy bed I plan to crawl into, the feeling of strong rapid movement begins inside me. “God, and this thing won’t stop moving. I haven’t slept in days.” My voice cracks at the end and I reach to my cheek to check if I’m actually crying. Thankfully, not yet.
“I’m tired of you referring to our daughter as a thing. I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one excited to snuggle our baby girl and watch her grow.” His voice gets louder with frustration. “I’m tired of you not wanting to tell people about this beautiful gift. I fucked up, okay? I’ll take that hit and own up to it. Honestly, I thought you ended us so you could build your little wall of stone after your divorce. That was your plan.” Max’s eyes glass over. “I didn’t want you to, but I respected you enough to keep our time in bed as a happy memory.” I expect him to step away, but he takes my hands. “I’m trying everything, Kelsie, and you still don’t trust that I will stay. I’m not Benson, for fuck’s sake.”
“Max.” I start to respond, but he shakes his head and narrows his eyes.
“No, Kelsie. I had planned to tell you I realized how much you mean to me after Eric’s party. I was done with my old ways. It was time to admit you’re worth the painful risk. I know you love me. Let's embrace what life throws at us.”
“It’s not that simple.”But it could be.
“Yes. You smile, fall into my arms, and we enjoy every moment of this.” His hands rub my stomach. “My child will not grow up the way I did. I won’t walk out on you.”
“Words are nothing more than a body without bones.”
“Fine.” He backs away. “You want me to face my fears. You do the same. Trust me not to leave you.”
“Your justifiable fear is how relationships always end!” I shout the obvious. “My marriage didn’t work either.”
“That’s not a fear I have with you. I know every damn thing about how you operate. Us not working out in the future has never been a fear. I don’t have a single doubt about us not being able to last.”
“I still can’t believe you got with Katherine while we were sort of apart.” I huff, because I will never get over how that bitch tried to take another piece of my life.
“No, no.” He shakes his head. “Do not Ross and Rachel us. You told me it would never happen again.”
“How many last times have we had, Max?” He crowds my space, but if I lean back any farther, I’ll fall onto the bed.