Page 20 of Killer (Project)

“And there he is…” Roger sounded overjoyed. His happiness felt like a cold bucket of water being doused on me.

“Just leave. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that bullying me will get you nowhere. Who bullies someone who is dying? And when did it become okay to do this?” Diesel was trying to reason with him. He always tried, but it never did him any good. The look in Roger’s eyes told me his words meant nothing.

“Leave? That would be doing something you want. No one ever believes you when you tell them what we do.” Roger shrugged, growing closer to Diesel. I wanted to escape the dark corner and go save him, but I knew he would never forgive me.

“Go. Get away from me.” I could feel the tension filling the room. The anger in Diesel’s voice scared me, forcing me to stay frozen in place.

“Ahhh, are you the big bad wolf?” Both the boys laughed. Then Roger did something I never saw coming. He lunged at Diesel, his fist landing against Diesel’s head. With the sickness already causing him weakness, he fell to the floor where they both jumped him. I forced a hand over my mouth to stifle my screams as he faced me, his eyes telling me not to move. Minutes passed as the sound of bone hitting skin filled the room while blood dripped to the floor. Every crimson drop reminded me how much I truly hated these people.

Once they were done beating the shit out of him, I scurried to the corner and held Diesel on the floor, allowing tears to fall from my eyes. I understood what he meant now. I was scared, too. I was so fucking scared, and when Diesel was gone, I wondered if I would be able to hold on. I was scared of a life without him more than I feared anything else.

eleven

killer

Every day forthe past week was the same. Maggie and I would meet up every evening in the arena. We would argue going back and forth about my so-called shit behavior. She would try to invoke an emotion inside of me other than anger, but it never worked. I was either really fucking turned on around her or I was pissed off.

“How have your memories been?” she asked calmly as if she were analyzing me. She had gotten over her fear faster than I thought she would. Now she was more open and daring about the answers she wanted. I didn’t want to answer her. She didn’t need to know the memories had been coming at me from all angles every single night this past week, and how talking to her was just causing more of them to resurface.

“I have a question for you. Why the fuck did you sign up to do this?” I glared at her. There was more to the story than she was letting on. I knew she could at least go home and back to her normal life. Gauge had ways of keeping someone like her quiet. Her reason for being here wasn’t that she had to be...

Her eyes refused to meet mine as they moved everywhere but to my face. Oh, fuck yes. There was definitely something going on below the surface.

“I didn’t sign up for anything,” she mumbled. Her cheeks warmed as if in embarrassment. What did she have to be embarrassed about?

“Then why are you still here?” I seethed, allowing a mask of anger to fall upon my face. I hated it when people felt as if they could lie to me. This was the problem with trusting people like her. You couldn’t.

“First, it’s not as if I really want to be here.” She held up one finger signaling that there were a number of excuses coming my way. “Secondly, I can’t leave…” She hid her face behind her long brown hair. I hated when people failed to make eye contact. Even more, I hated how she refused to meet my eyes. Sometimes, all it took was one look for me to understand.

“What else? There can’t just be two fucking reasons as to why you can’t leave…” I growled in frustration. Yammering about nothing did me no good. I didn’t want to be around her, and I definitely didn’t want to have to talk to her.

“Diesel, when did you—” Her voice stopped, her eyes growing the size of saucers as her mind registered her mistake.

Diesel.

I had heard that name before. It was one often said in my dreams. The doe-eyed girl who was smiling, her face full of happiness, always said it.

“Who is he?” I asked urgently, now knowing Maggie was the key to finding out who Diesel was.

“Who is who?” she asked innocently. Did she think I was fucking stupid? Did she think I never cared to pay attention to the things said around me? I might have been quiet and anti-social, but I knew all that was said. In less than a second, I reached out and gripped her hard by the wrist.

“Do you think I’m stupid? Who is he?” My voice was mangled. I was on the verge of falling off the fucking cliff… into the deep darkness of void matter. I could feel my eyes growing black. I gripped at the table with my free hand. I needed something to hold me to the current world.

“I don’t think you’re stupid…” She stuttered over her words, fear overriding every other emotion in her body. I could practically see her running for the door, her fear rising, its smell so strong I could taste it.

“You do…” I growled. I was positive she was going to run—I mean, it would’ve been the logical thing to do. Instead, she looked at me, the fear dissipating into something else, something intense and raw. It wasn’t love, but it wasn’t hate. It was a balance between love and hate for herself. What I didn’t understand was why?

“No… No, I… “She paused looking around carefully. “I don’t think you’re stupid, not in the least bit. I just think you ask questions you don’t want the answers to.” Her voice was soft and quiet.

My grip on the table slacked, but only for a second, before an image appeared in my mind.A dress, it was soft and shiny. It sparkled in the light.

“No…” I yelled my voice rising. A low whining formed in my head, and I could feel the current time slipping away as a past I didn’t remember flooded my thoughts.

“Hey… what’s the matter?” I watched as Maggie’s face filled with panic. Her image blurred out… and before me formed a new one. One of the past. One that would hopefully tell me who Diesel was.

I kicked the rocks in the driveway of my parent’s house. I hated them. The way they begged me to carry on with my life. Hell, I hated everyone. Everyone except Maggie. She was tolerable, or at least that’s what I told myself. I wasn’t man enough to admit I truly loved her. One would assume I did, considering everything I did for her. I looked up from the ground, my eyes gliding across the farmhouse as I tried to figure out if I should go to her or not.

I don’t know how many times I told her not to go. That was one thing about Maggie that drew me to her. She was a rebel, living every moment for what it was worth, and she wasn’t even the one dying.