Page 64 of Alpha Bond

My cheeks go warm. “Um…just after I escaped. Immediately after, actually. It was bad. Really bad.” I remember the gut-wrenching cramps and the heavy blood flow. And then it had stopped just as abruptly as it started. I’m sure it was the stress of it all.

“Oh…dear.” The doctor looks crestfallen.

“What does this all mean, doctor? You’re worrying me.”

“That thing looks like it was designed to create a permanent heat cycle. Switch your hormones into overdrive. Your body would have been flooded with enough estrogen to sink a ship.”

“And that would be bad.” Even without being a doctor, I know it would, but I want her to explain it.

“Yes, Sierra. Your body wasn’t designed to function that way. If you went through it for a prolonged period, you could be dealing with the collapse of your reproductive system.”

I rub my forehead where a niggling headache is starting to form. “I don’t understand.” Although it’s beginning to dawn on me.

“Basically, your ovaries would have stopped functioning. Burned out, for lack of a better phrase.” She gives another of those deep breaths. “That heavy bleed could have marked the start of early menopause.” She leans forward and takes my hands in hers. “If that’s the case, you’ve reached the end of your child-bearing days.”

“Child-bearing days,” I repeat. “You mean I can’t…?” I’m staring at her.

“You’re not ever going to be able to fall pregnant, Sierra.”

The blood drains from my face. “Oh.” My voice seems so tiny. My throat works as I try to swallow. “I can’t have pups?” A thousand dreams begin to evaporate.

“I can’t be sure, but I think there’s a very strong chance of it, honey. I just want you to be prepared.” She’s still holding my hand, and I realize that my fingers have tightened around hers in a death grip. I loosen them.

The irony is almost funny. All my life, I’ve been pursued for my fertility, for the fact that I can guarantee the continuation of wolf bloodlines. But now…

Stop assuming the worst.

She said there’s a strong chance, not that it’s for certain. I have to hang on to that. “All that estrogen. It kept me in heat?”

“A false heat, yes. You would have been under the unnatural influence of that device.”

“So, it’s what made me…made me want him? That man who had me?” I think of Rack’s breath and the heat of his body and how it should have repulsed me. It did, and yet it didn’t.

She raises a hand to stroke my hair. “Sierra, nothing you did then was within your control. You would have been receptive to any male who approached you. Whether your rational mind told you it was what you wanted or not.”

I gulp. Because that’s exactly what it felt like. “It wasn’t my fault?”

“It wasn’t your fault, honey.” She’s still stroking my hair until I drop my head and bury my face in my hands. This is all too much. “It’s okay,” Doctor Bea croons as I fight back tears. “It’s all over now.”

Yes, it’s all over. The hopes I’d had of starting a family here. Carrying Jagger’s babies. Building a life where fear wouldn’t constantly drive me and the people I love into hiding. Why would an alpha need an infertile female? I’m useless.

Stop it! Pull yourself together.

I straighten my shoulders. “I understand.” My mouth is dry, and when I try to lick my lips, it feels like my tongue sticks to them. “He meant nothing to me. None of it meant a thing. My body didn’t know what it was doing.” The thought of never being a mother hangs heavy in my heart, but at least I can focus on the understanding that there’s nothing else wrong with me. There never was.

“Exactly. If that’s bothering you, you push that idea right out of your head.” Her smile is a little brighter. “You’re a good woman, Sierra. A wonderful one. And now that we’ve found the root of the problem, you can focus on healing. It’ll happen quickly now.” She looks down at my neck where I’ve removed the dressing. All that’s left of the ugly gash is a ridge of scarred skin. It might be a permanent reminder of Rack’s hold over me, but I’ll know that he failed.

I won.

I draw in a deep breath. I have to focus on the positive. Maybe Jagger won’t be disgusted to know that I can’t have his children. Maybe it’ll all work out. Maybe—

“Jagger!” Doctor Bea is looking at the doorway. I turn to face it. My mate is standing there with thunder in his eyes. I’m on my feet and rushing to him without thinking.

But he stops me with a raised hand. “Say that again.” His stare burns into my face.

“What?” I frown.

“The part about you being receptive to any male who wanted you.”