Page 65 of Alpha Bond

“Jagger, I—”

“I think I’d better leave you two to discuss this in private.” Doctor Bea has risen and is moving to the door. She closes it behind her without waiting to say goodbye.

I’m still staring at Jagger. “Doctor Bea found something in that wound in my neck. She said it triggered a heat cycle. What I felt back in that place was all false.”

“You wanted to mate with the males who captured you?”

“I didn’t have any control over it, Jagger. I never wanted any of them. I thought I did, but it wasn’t real. It would have been the same as if they’d forced me.”

“Because any male could have you. Any male who took you would basically be forcing you.”

“Yes. That’s exactly it.” God, please don’t let him think that I wanted any of them. That I could be like that. “It was like I’d been drugged, Jagger.” My heart gallops as I pray for him to understand.

“Any male.”

“Yes. I…” Understanding hits like a ton of breaks.

Shit.

“Even me,” he says.

My stomach lurches. “No! I…” I trail off because I honestly don’t know. So I say it. “I don’t know.”

“Christ.” He rubs his eyes.

“Please don’t think it meant any less to me. Please!” I know that I’m begging him, but I’ll do whatever it takes. “What happened between us was special. Iknowwe have something special!”

“How could you know anything, Sierra?” His voice is strained. “All these years, I’ve sworn never to be like those animals. Never to take something that wasn’t offered willingly. And now, without even realizing it, I’ve done all of it. I’ve betrayed my mother’s memory.”

“But Iwaswilling. I’ve never wanted anything more. I swear it!” I reach out to touch him, but he spins away from me, running both hands over his head, his shoulder muscles bunching.

“But we’ll never know if it was real. I could be just as bad as the others. All of them.” He inhales deeply. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” When he turns back to me, his eyes are tortured. “I can’t deal with this now.”

“Jagger, if we could just—”

“No!” he half-shouts. He sucks in air, steadying himself. When he speaks again, he’s carefully neutral. His expression is blank. “I can’t think about this. Not now. We have too much at stake.”

He leaves the room without looking at me again.

And then my tears begin.

Chapter 26

Jagger

I storm away from her with my head full of questions that I don’t want the answers to.

What the hell was I thinking? My instincts have never led me so wrong before.

You shouldn’t have touched her.

But now that I think about it, I was screwed from the moment she crashed into my world. I’ve been cooped up for days with a female in heat. Little wonder I’ve been going out of my mind. Any male would struggle to hold off for so long.

You’re not just any male.

It’s my own fault for thinking I could be better than all the others.

I run into Casey and Heller before I even get to Callum’s office.