Page 25 of On the Mountain

“I didn’t mean just that. I meant as a whole. You should really see someone just to make sure you’re healthy.”

What I’d said to him was a partial lie. There had been a physician who’d believed in Chosen’s ways. He helped with things we needed and sterilized the men. I’d seen him a few times when I was young, but Chosen didn’t want me to go to a doctor often.

I couldn’t say those things out loud, though, couldn’t talk about The Enlightened to anyone.

“I’m fine,” I told him. “I can take a test. There’s still enough time to get down the mountain to send it off before the snow comes.” The results came by email.

“It’s okay.” He fiddled with the end of the shirt he wore—my shirt. “So you can’t leave here when the snow comes?”

I continued to cook. The desire to ignore him, to keep my voice inside me was strong, but I fought it for him because I thought he needed it. “Depends on how much we get,” I said roughly. “It’s dangerous. There’s a point I won’t test it.” Maybe on the snowmobile, but I didn’t tell him that.

“Do you ever get lonely?” the brave little lamb asked.

My gut twisted. It was a complicated answer, and I feared that my response would show him even more that something was wrong with me. In some ways, yes, I felt loneliness, I had my whole life. It lived inside my bones, inside my head, but then, there was another truth too. “It’s lonelier down there…than it could ever be up here.” Being around a large group of people didn’t make anyone less alone. This would always be my home. I would always belong to this mountain.

Cyrus’s gaze shot up, colliding with mine. “I feel that too,” he said quietly, then walked back to the couch and sat down to read.

I watched him for a moment, tried to imagine him up here with me for the winter…maybe longer. Forever. Because I didn’t want him to go.

“I know…I see it in you. The sadness. It clings to you even when you smile.”

Cyrus’s chin began to shake, his gaze darting away. “No one else sees it. I can fake it well.”

Not to me.

We didn’t talk after that, words difficult for both of us, I imagined. I finished dinner, and we ate in silence, Cyrus on the couch and me in my chair. When he had to use the bathroom, I allowed him to go by himself, my heart racing the whole time. When I had to go, I hurried as much as I could, worry clogging my airway that I would come out and he would be gone.

It was late when he yawned, and I stood. I went to him, held my hand out to him. Cyrus stared at it for a moment before he took it, and I helped him to his feet.

I didn’t bother with the lights, something I never did, as I led him to one of the spare bedrooms and nodded toward the bed. He squeezed my hand tighter before letting go, walking over, and climbing in.

“Will you stay with me?” he asked.

The words filled me up, were more than I deserved. “Yes.” I turned out the light, sat on the floor against the wall, and stayed in that same spot all night while he slept.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Cyrus

My eyes fluttered open, light shining in the window. My gaze landed on Crow, who looked to be in the exact same spot he’d sat in last night. Had he gotten up at all? Had he slept? Sometimes he didn’t seem human, didn’t seem to have the same basic needs as the rest of us. I’d spent two nights at this cabin now, and on both he’d sat in one place and stayed up all night. Either that, or he took catnaps when I didn’t notice.

I winced when I rolled over. My ass was sore from yesterday. It had been a long time since I’d been with someone, so fucking that hard and fast without lube hadn’t been very smart.

Crow frowned, and I hated that he noticed. Silently, he stood and came to the bed. His strong hands rolled me to my stomach. “Wait. What are you doing?”

“Checking you.”

I was surprised I’d gotten a response. I liked the sound of his broken, rough voice, though. The way it wrapped around me and seemed to fill my empty spaces. “I’m fine.”

He paused, didn’t speak, as if waiting, and when I didn’t tell him no, he tugged the flannels down my legs, spread my cheeks, and examined my ass. I wasn’t sure what it said about me, but it gave me a content feeling that he cared enough to check, that my comfort and health meant something to him. No men had cared before.

I trembled when his finger brushed over my rim, my morning wood thickening even more.

“I don’t think there are any tears.” His voice was softer now. “I shouldn’t have…done that.”

My whole body went rigid now, not just my dick. “You regret fucking me?” Of course he did.

Crow was still rubbing my hole, massaging it with his finger, but I wasn’t turned on anymore.