Page 8 of Deny Me

She lifted her hand, halting my rapid-fire dress styles. “Calm down, tiger,” she laughed. “I figured we could go dress shopping and get some ideas about what fits my body best.”

“Good idea.” I agreed, nodding. “I’m just excited. Who knew I would be so excited about someone getting married?” I shuddered for effect.

“It’s not the plague.”

“It might as well be,” I fired back.

She rolled her eyes. “You know, just because it ruined your mom doesn’t mean it will ruin you too. Love is good.”

Already having had this argument before, I scoffed and continued sipping my coffee.

But Lu wasn’t so keen on letting it go. “Why do you let her control your relationships?”

“Luella.” I paused to set my coffee on the table and folded my hands calmly. “No one has control over me. Yes, my mom pushed her opinion of relationships on me. But she did it because she loves me and wants me to be successful.”

“You can be successful and love someone,” she countered.

“I know that. But for me, I can focus on me and what I need out of this life. I don’t need to take anyone else into consideration when I make a decision.” She just looked at me with pinched lips and narrowed eyes. “I love my mom. She’s given me every opportunity in the world. I have watched her dig us out of the hole my father’s death left her in. She’s my greatest cheerleader and I know she only wants what is best for me. So what, she pushes me a little harder to be better. I respect her for not letting me be mediocre.”

“You know I love your mom. She’s always been fun. I just wish you didn’t shut down any idea of finding someone because of her beliefs.”

“I don’t,” I said defensively. “I don’t want anyone because I don’t want a man. Who knows? Maybe in ten years I’ll finally let a man follow me around while I rule the world.” I shrugged. “Besides, if I had a man right now, I wouldn’t have been able to make the decision to apply for an internship in Italy.”

She leaned forward, placing both hands on the table, her eyes widened with worry. “You applied to an internship in Italy? Why?”

“Why not? It’s only a couple of months and it’s a huge designer. I would brush elbows with some seriously important people. I’d get my name out there. I don’t know if I’ll get it or not; I just got so excited about the website designs, I thought I would ride the wave and see where it took me.”

“But Italy? It’s so far,” she whined.

“But it’s only for a couple of months. I’ll get to go to fashion shows and I will need a plus one.” I raised my eyebrows at her. “If you aren’t busy I would love for you to be my plus one. And if you’re busy, I expect you to cancel and come as my plus one anyways.”

“Okay.” Lu crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat. “I can see the upside to this.” She lifted a finger to me. “But only if it is for two months. Any longer and I’m hauling your ass back here. Deal?”

“Deal.”

* * *

On my way home, I decided to go ahead and call and tell my mom about Italy. I knew she would be the most excited about all of this.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hey baby girl.” Her voice softened when she realized it was me. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?”

“Just calling to check in. I’m just really excited and wanted to share some possible new I may have.”

“Well, don’t keep me waiting,” her voice rang with excitement like she was sitting on the edge of her seat. She always made my accomplishments feel like I was conquering the world. People judged my mom, but she was my biggest supporter and I loved her endlessly.

“Okay.” I dragged out a pause knowing the wait was killing her. When I heard her playful growl of impatience, I laughed and continued. “My website designs are going over well, so I thought I would see how far I could go and apply for an internship under Lana Designs in Italy.”

She let out an excited squeal and I couldn’t help but laugh with her. Luella was a planner and needed to be close to her family. She didn’t understand my need to take chances and risk for bigger opportunities. Mind you, her accomplishments were huge, however, they were scheduled and she knew how each one would happen. So, being able to tell my mom and have her understand my excitement, made me feel like home. “Evelyn, I’m so proud of you.”

“Well, I haven’t gotten it yet.”

“Oh, nonsense. You’re Evelyn Valero. Of course you’ll get it.”

And that was it. My mom never questioned my ability to succeed. She may have pushed her beliefs about not needing a man on me, but she had also instilled a confidence that was irreplaceable. I would rather have that than a man anyways.