Page 23 of Touched By Destiny
If only Gabriel could tell someone about his unruly emotions. Or how he’d pushed away his soulmate. He had to stop thinking about that moment in the hotel room when his soul had touched Eric’s. That was what he told himself each morning after he spent hours dreaming of him and an impossible future where they were together.
It was a mantra he repeated as each hour of his day passed. The days remained long despite the fall equinox being nearly upon them, but as soon as the sun started to fade behind the horizon, Gabriel crawled into bed.
He escaped from the ache in his heart, his steadily growing guilt, and his surety that he was the worst thing to ever happen to Eric. This allowed his unconscious mind to weave lovely dreams of another life. One where he and Eric embracedtheir connection. In his mind, they were a spectacular match. They talked, laughed, and loved.
Then Gabriel’s alarm went off, and he returned to being the stupid failure who had turned a blind eye to Samael Wolfebrier’s depravity and aided him in hiding his horrid misdeeds. Even as a little boy’s parents had begged him to help, he’d believed in Samael right until the second the necromancer had pumped a bullet into the child’s chest.
Without Eric’s parents, Gabriel would be in jail. Gabriel wasn’t sad Samael was dead, and he deserved some punishment for what had happened for fifteen years while he’d indulged in whatever whim hit him. He’d fucked his way through pretty boys, spent hours idling on the beach and hired stylists to ensure he was fashionable. With a gun on his hip, Gabriel had convinced himself he was the good guy even as he’d searched for remote places to bury the nameless dead. He’d been arrogant enough to believe he was helping necromancers everywhere by being a Wolfebrier.
Before Gabriel’s feet hit the floor each morning, he forced himself to touch the scar below his collarbone and remember how another bullet had ripped through him. The bullet meant for a child gifted as Eric was. A little boy who’d died because Gabriel had stood in a cool mansion dismissing his parents’ concerns. And Gabriel hadn’t been smart enough to comprehend the true ramifications of the things he had done in the service of Samael. So grateful for Samael’s gift of life, he’d questioned nothing. He’d lived with every comfort money could buy. While the destiny-touched had died.
How different would the world have been if some of those people had lived? What knowledge was lost? How many spirits wandered still because of the lack of destiny-touched out there creating portals for them?
Those questions couldn’t be answered, and Gabriel had to pay a price for his blind trust and indolence. Unfortunately, Gabriel couldn’t have known the cost would be his own soul. He kept telling himself that soon whatever force had paired him with Eric would recognize the futility of the situation and free them. Eric deserved happiness. A soulmate worthy of him. And Gabriel had to believe he’d get that someday.
Even though the last thing Gabriel wanted was to watch Eric fall in love with someone else. Thoughts like that were selfish and made Gabriel hate himself that much more for being a dickhead. He also despised his pitiful heart, aching mercilessly for the man he couldn’t have—for the necromancer whose blue eyes were far from dreamy these days. And it was Gabriel’s fault for rejecting him.
“Gabriel, are you all right?” Clark asked from behind his desk.
Humiliated that he’d walked into his boss’s office, then stood like a dolt in front of him, Gabriel colored. “Yeah, sorry. Blanked out or something.”
Clark’s gaze was filled with empathy. “Are you sure you don’t need more time off? I know you don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you, but everyone who cares about you can tell that you’re not your usual self.”
The last thing Gabriel wanted was more time to think about what he’d done and the aftermath of recklessly giving in to his desire for Eric.
“I’m fine,” Gabriel lied. “And I don’t need another vacation, I just had one.”
The frown on Clark’s face told Gabriel he wasn’t fooling him. “I promise to stop badgering you about this, since you don’t want to discuss it, but that’s an open offer. You have a stressful job with a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. It’s understandable that it grows tiring or overwhelming sometimes.I think we should agree that you take at least one vacation a year for yourself and your sanity.”
“Sure, we can agree on a trip. But I just had one, so let’s focus on the present. I love my job, and it’s not stressing me out.” That much was true. It was his personal life tearing him apart.
“And you’re ready to focus on business,” Clark stated with a small smile.
“I am.”
“Next month is our visit with the Arwynns. No matter how many feelers I put out there, I can’t figure out who else is going. I’ve learned some guests have offered to attend virtually. Whether Arwynn has agreed to that yet remains unclear. The level of secrecy is expected, but disappointing too. I prefer to walk into a meeting at least knowing who I’m meeting with.”
“Are you second-guessing your decision to go?”
“Yes, I’m not sure I’m gaining anything by accepting Arwynn’s invitation, and there is a lot at stake. I may have to send my regrets. I’m giving my sources another week, then I’ll let you know if there’s been a change to my schedule.”
“I’m sure there are plenty of people who’ll be pleased to learn that you suddenly have an open day on your calendar.”
Clark chuckled. “No question. My assistant will have those blocked-off hours filled within minutes if we don’t visit the Arwynns.”
“What about attending virtually?”
“It’s an option, I suppose, but one I rarely use.”
“I know, but you could learn about Arwynn and his guests without compromising your safety.”
“Good point, I’ll mention it to Rosalind and get her input,” Clark said. “I hope she’s right about letting Eric learn to drive. The thought of him driving off into danger is giving me nightmares.”
“I found an instructor for him, and I’ll be in the car for his lessons.”
“The fact that you’ll be at his side is the only reason I gave in to the request. As well as you’ve trained your team, no one is more dedicated to keeping Eric safe than you. We’re lucky to have you.”
Gabriel swallowed guiltily and wondered if Clark would be feeling so grateful if he knew Eric had shivered in his arms as he came.