Page 76 of House of Lies
Caelia’s not asking the easiest questions.
CHAPTER 50
Caelia
Kaz’s fingertips barely graze my skin, but it’s enough to distract me. Am I willing to trust him again? I need to understand why he’s sticking around. He killed Ermanno. He captured Mattia. There’s nothing left for him here, yet he stayed for me. He returned for me.
He will not hurt me, I remind myself as he stretches his palm on my stomach.
“Because you’re mine, Caelia. You’ve always been mine. And I know you’ll fight it. It’s in your nature. But I remember what you told me.” His words come out rough, his accent slipping.
Oh, God! No. This can’t be happening. There’s no excuse for what I said.
“I’ve told you many things.”
“Here’s another lie for you: I hate you.” He repeats my exact words, a smile playing on his lips. His body is warm and familiar, but my mind is fractured. I have a hard time distinguishing between fact and fiction.
“I didn’t think I was going to ever see you again. I thought you were dying.”
“You mean you thought you killed me?” I can’t have this conversation right now. He will push until I break. Taking a step away, I hastily grab the hospital gown I left on the sink and dress myself. Kaz doesn’t stop me. “I thought you wanted to shower.” I sit on the toilet seat, refusing to make a fool of myself by trying to get back to bed.
I want to scream and ask him why my life is so important to him. Why can’t he leave me alone? But I don’t get the chance. The door to my room opens. I can’t see the person entering, and I don’t recognize the voice speaking in Russian. Kaz answers him, and then the door closes. I’m mesmerized by the way his lips move.
“Domenico is here to see you,” he explains momentarily.
I didn’t expect him to fulfill that request for me. I tried because I had nothing else to lose.
“Thank you.” I’m uncertain of what else to say. “Could you please help me get back to bed?”
I don’t like it when he carries me in his arms instead of allowing me to lean against him. I don’t like how my mind fractures and compartmentalizes everything. His scent is intoxicating, his body comforting—everything about him is too familiar. Memories of the time we spent together flash in my mind. I’m forced to relive it all. He’s not Mattia. He never was. But that doesn’t mean he made the right choices, either. We will have to talk at some point, but I’m exhausted. He helps me back into bed, tucking the blanket around me. There’s a knock on the door before Domenico enters. I can’t help but smile, which causes Kaz to frown. I’m never that happy when I see him standing in the doorway.
“Sir.” Domenico nods. “Mrs., uh ...”
“Caelia,” I remind him.
“Caelia.” He looks grim. He’s either in pain or confused about why he’s here. I’m not sure what Kaz told him. “What can I do for you, sir?”
“How are you feeling?” Kaz ignores his question, still fussing with the blanket, ensuring my entire body is covered. His tension is palpable.
“I’m good, thank you.”
“Caelia wanted to talk to you.”
There’s a twitch in Kaz’s jaw. He glances between me and Domenico, considering whether leaving me alone with him is safe. I know he doesn’t want to. I can barely convince him to let me use the bathroom alone. He leaves only when one of his men calls him, never for long. Another figure appears behind Domenico—a man about Kaz’s age whom I’ve never seen before. I bite my lip, fear welling up inside me. He’s tall and muscular, and he intimidates me with his expressionless face. A scar runs from the left corner of his mouth to his eye, and tattoos crawl up his neck. I’m not the one he’s looking for, but his gaze lingers on me. My eyelids flutter, and a pit forms in my stomach. Without thinking, I reach for Kaz’s hand, clutching his wrist. I look up at him, my face betraying my fear. He frowns at me, his gaze shifting to his hand where I’m touching him, and then he says something to the other man. He places his other hand on top of mine, warm and reassuring. I can’t understand their conversation, and it only adds to my anxiety. I struggle to breathe as I’m transported back to the warehouse.
“Get out!” I hear the door closing. It’s just me and Kaz now, but the walls feel like they’re closing in. “Breathe, Wildfire.” He takes a seat on the edge of the bed. I can’t let go of his hand. I’m looking at him, but I can’t fully process his features. “You’re safe. No one will touch you again,” he promises. “I’ll kill anyone who dares to come too close to you. I promise.” This isn’t the kind of promise I want. I don’t want to carry this burden, but I’m grateful for it. “Come on, solnyshko. Breathe. It’s just me.”
This is the problem. It’s him. A man who’s not my husband and whose touch doesn’t repulse me, even after everything I’ve been through. It makes no sense.
I’m frozen in the middle of the bed, my knees bent and my head buried between them. I don’t want to go back there. It’s stupid. I didn’t even look at Ludovico when he attacked me. I refused to give Mattia the satisfaction of seeing terror in my eyes. I squeeze my eyes shut, biting my tongue until it gets swollen and wounded. And that man did nothing to me. He’s just one of Kaz’s men. My brain doesn’t care.
“No.” I shake my hand when he tries to move behind me and take me in his arms. “Please don’t touch me. Just don’t.”
I find it impossible to let go of his hand, but I force myself to. It’s better not to touch him again. I don’t want to give him the wrong impression. He’s the person who hurt me the least of all the men in my life, but he still hurt me. He’s not that different.
“Caelia—”
“Please, Kazimir. Don’t.”