Page 17 of Off Sides

Joey’s lips meet mine, cutting off my rambling. The man kisses like it’s his profession. It’s intoxicating and all-consuming.

I reach for him, sliding my hand along the side of his neck, and dip my head to the side to change the angle and hope like hell that he doesn’t run again.

5

Joey

Nick’s warm, calloused hand holds the side of my neck, and he deepens the kiss, encouraging me to kiss him back.

Without looking, I set my cup on the floor and reach for his arm, holding on to his wrist. I need the anchor. I don’t want to fuck up whatever this is because nothing has ever felt as right as Nick. No other man, no woman, just Nick.

Some piece inside my chest that I didn’t even know was misaligned, clicks together. It steals my breath.

Putting my hand on the bed, I lean into him, wanting him to lie back. I want to feel him against me. I need it. This is as intoxicating as the vodka humming along my skin.

“Hey, wait.” Nick pulls his mouth from mine, and I whimper. Fucking whimper. What the actual fuck was that? My face heats with embarrassment at the pathetic sound and for mauling him after leaving the way I did earlier. What the hell is wrong with me?

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” I jerk out of his hold and try to flee to my own room, but Nick is just as fucking fast as I am, and he tackles me into the door. I lean my forehead against the wood with my eyes squeezed shut while trying to hold back the panic.

“I’m sorry.” Heat burns my face. “I know I’m giving really mixed signals, but I can’t stay away from you.”

The heat of his body warms my back, and I’m not sure if I should like it or not. I do like it, more than I should since I barely know him.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Nick’s voice is soft next to my ear. We’re pretty matched for height, though I’m bulkier than he is. “Trying to figure yourself out is hard. It’s awkward, and sometimes you have to fight the roles society has ingrained in us with what we want or need. It’s okay.”

I lift my head and drop it back onto the door with a loud thud. I don’t know what I’m doing or what I should be doing. I don’t know anything anymore.

“Turn around,” Nick demands, and my body is turning before I’ve had a chance to think about it. Yeah, I’m a team captain. I play an aggressive, full-contact sport, but I like when he makes decisions for me. I don’t want to think anymore. It’s dangerous in my head. My body reacts to him like it never has before, and I’m already desperate to see what else he can do to me.

He’s smirking at me, crowding my space, and almost leaning over me. Why do I like him in my space?

“Good boy.” His voice is husky, and it sends tingles deep into my gut. I swear the color drains from my cheeks. He turns serious but doesn’t put any distance between us. “Listen, I know the pressure you’re under. If you want to experiment, I would not be opposed to it. I’m not really out, but I’m comfortable with who I am, and if you need to explore this part of yourself, then we can do that. No one has to know if you aren’t comfortable talking about it. We’re both busy, so we can meet up when we can, and you can call the shots.”

“I don’t want to call the shots.” The words are out of my mouth with zero direction from my brain. Come on, brain. What the hell was that? I flick my gaze to anywhere else as I die of embarrassment.

The smirk returns to Nick’s face as he chuckles. “I can do that too.”

“I don’t want to take advantage of you.” Guilt eats at me. “If I decide in a month or a week or tomorrow that this isn’t it for me, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m a big boy, I’ll be okay.”

My face floods again, and Nick wraps his arms around me for a hug I didn’t know I needed. I bury my face in his shoulder and let him hold me, let him comfort me when my insides are a chaotic mess of what-ifs. For the first time since my dad died, someone is letting me be weak, and to take comfort. He’s not demanding that I be strong and hold in my emotions. It’s freeing and terrifying.

My “Thank you” is muffled by his shirt and the muscles that hide underneath.

“Your sexuality doesn’t define you. You’re still you, no matter what gets your dick hard.”

Some of the tension in my body releases. I didn’t know I needed to hear that. Nick is safe. I don’t know how I know that since I met him twenty-four hours ago, but I just know. On a cellular level, I know.

We stand there for a few long minutes, just existing in the space where teammates and roommates aren’t a part of the world.

“You should stay here tonight.”

“I should check on Riggs,” I grumble, not really wanting to, but if he’s got alcohol poisoning, I need to make sure he gets to the ER.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” He chuckles, and it rumbles against my face.

“Was it a question?” My voice is quiet, unsure. I hate it. I’m confident in my abilities usually, but tonight, I feel so out of my depth.