Page 135 of Ryker

I can’t wait to watch her spread her wings and fly.

Teetering on the ledge, I close my eyes and let the city smog, iridescent lights, and darkness sink into me.

I escorted because I had to.

I run a sex club now because I want to.

There’s a difference. Yes, I had a choice in both, but it didn’t feel that way when I was younger. Now I have power. Money. Friends who are my family. I’ve got a good thing going with Tara, too. I’ve found a woman who balances me out, plays with my demons and lets me play with hers.

Maybe my life was supposed to have all the bad shit happen in the beginning, so the rest of my days would be amazing and good.

Would my mother be proud of the man I’ve become? I hope so. I’m happy. That’s all she ever wanted for me. I’m happy, successful, and safe. I’ve embraced the dark parts of me and built a world to live in that I love.

I truly love the Monarch. I love the life I have with my found family. I love that I’m able to give others a safe space to explore themselves. I love that I can provide and protect.

But it isn’t enough.

“This is it.” I squat down and perch on the ledge, rocking on my heels. If I was a little less stable, I’d fall.

Saliva builds on my tongue.

Tipping my head back, I shoot a load of spit out of my mouth and watch it disappear in the air before it hits the ground.

“Enough.”

My thighs burn when I climb down.

“I’m done.”

With every step I take away from the ledge, more and more weight lifts off me. I don’t even notice the smell of the building when I take the steps all the way to the floor of my old apartment. Halting at the windowsill with the words still etched in the wood, my heart cracks open.

You’re worth more than this.

Yeah, I am. Back then, I thought I was only worth what someone would pay for me. I built a life based on that. Now, I know I’m worth more than staying stunted in my anger over a past I cannot change. I’m worth finding happiness. Love. Acceptance.

I’m worth giving myself some motherfucking grace.

It’s time to build the life I deserve.

Pulling my cell out, my deft fingers fly across the screen. Knox picks up on the fourth ring, his sleepy voice gravelly. “What the fuck man, you okay?”

“I’ll give you the money.” My heart thuds heavily in my chest. “However much you need to get your club up and running, it’s yours. I’ll fund it all.”

Muffled shuffling noises fill my ear. I guess Knox is climbing out of bed. “Did you lose Greene Street?”

“No.” I laugh, realizing how easy and right this choice is. “I don’t want it anymore.”

“Ry…”

“I’ve got a little over a million I can give. If you need more, I’ll figure something out and make it happen.”

“Holy shit, Ryker.” Now he’s fully awake. “I… I can’t let you do this. I’ll fuck it up.”

“No, you won’t. You love that club, man. You’ve put your heart into it.” Why’s he backpedaling?

“Pop’s will fuck it up for me. I know it.” Knox’s voice is low and shaky. “I appreciate the offer, Ry, but I can’t take it. It’ll be for nothing.”

“I’ll have my lawyers draw up a contract. We’ll buy it from your father.” That way, Knox will never have to put up with that bastard’s bullshit again. “He’ll sell it to us.”