Page 45 of Broken Empire
I’lldeal with it afterI’vecaught up on some rest, because right now the exhaustion is weighing me down.Theirtime will come eventually.Itdoesn’t take long after that for me to fall into a deep sleep with her safely wrapped up in my arms.
WINTER
IthinkImay have gotten used to the coldness that’s always surrounding me, in the time thatI’vebeen held captive.Ihate it so much and wishIwas anywhere but here;Ithink asIslowly become conscious.
Thefirst thingI’maware of asIfully wake up is the agony across my entire body.Ilet out a sigh just wanting this all to end.Isthat too much to ask for?Thesecond is the fact thatIfinally do feel warm.It’snot actually cold anymore…
Myeyes flutter open andI’mlying on my side facing a window with the faint morning light streaming through.Thisis different.Wherethe hell amI?
Mybreathing increases asIstart to panic a little, wondering where the hellIcould possibly be right now.Withoutmoving an inch,Iglance around the room and see that it’s cozy and inviting andI’mlying on a four-poster bed.
Movementfrom behind me on the bed causes my heart to start racing.Tryingto be braveIturn a bit, well as much asIcan so thatIdon’t make the pain in my body worse.Iend up on my back and see there’s a body lying next to me.
Absgalore greet me.Myeyes scan all the tattoos covering this person’s skin and a gasp leaves me when my eyes land on one in particular.Myfavorite one to be exact.
Theskull and crown thatMasonhas tattooed on him.Thoughthere’s something new just under it.WhenIlook closer,Isee that he had the words ‘WinterCrowneowns my soul’ tattooed right under the skull.OhmyGod!He’sdefinitely crazy!
Ittakes a moment to comprehend the fact thatI’maway from that psychoAntonio.ThatI’msafe andMasonsomehow found me and nowI’mhere with him again.Awhirlwind of emotions flit through me in that moment, thatIdon’t know which one to focus on.Thougha huge sense of relief courses through me.
Myeyes move up to his sleeping face.Myhandsome man…Hehas an arm under my neck andIwonder howIdidn’t feel that before.He’ssleeping on his side as well and as soon asImake a move to get more comfortable his other hand moves to lay across my stomach in a possessive or is it protective hold?Ihave no clue.Mychest begins to ache with whatI’llhave to do later.
I’mstill feeling a bit lost and disoriented and a moment laterI’movercome with emotions and tears begin to trail down my face.Asthe memories of everything that happened to me whileIwas in captivity slam into me.Imight be away from that asshole now, butI’mnot sureI’llever be able to get rid of the memories of what he did to me.
IthinkIwas at death’s door by the timeMasonstormed into that room of horror.Iwas barely aware of his presence.Theonly thingIreally remember is the feeling of finally being able to let go of trying to fight any longer, as the darkness finally claimed me once again.
Hecame for me.Imean,Iknew he would, since he was working toward earning my forgiveness and all that.
Butnow, after everything that has happened to me for however longIwas there…Idon’t know what to feel anymore.Istill love him with everything thatIam but right nowI’mjust damaged goods.I’malso mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.
Thethoughts in my head won’t quit.Itkeeps going from one thing to the next and suddenlyI’moverwhelmed andIjust need to get out of here.IthinkI’mabout to have a panic attack or something.
Igently moveMason’sarm from off my stomach and pull out whatever it isI’mhooked up to and get out of the bed.Ilimp my way to the bathroom and quietly close the door behind me before turning the lights on.Imove to stand in front of the mirror but keep my head down, while gripping onto the sink for dear life.Idon’t want to look at myself and see the damage butIknow thatIhave to.Ittakes me a long while beforeIhave the courage to finally look up into the mirror and see myself.
Assoon asIsee the girl staring back at me,Iinstantly hate her…
Shehas blank eyes.Eyesthat look like they’re dead inside.Andthat’s right, isn’t it?Iam dead inside.Idon’t know ifI’llever be the same again.Whothe hell amItrying to fool?Noone is ever the same again when something like the ordealI’vebeen through happens to them.
Ilook at the bruises on my face, some of them black and blue.Ieven have a split lip and one of my eyes is still kind of swollen.Allin all,Ilook fucking hideous.
Ilift up the clothes thatMasonprobably put on me and take a look at my body.Itlooks even worse thanIwas imagining.Thereare so many bruises, cuts, and black and blue spots with some of them turning a yellowish color already from whereAntonioeither punched or kicked me.
Iturn away from the mirror soIdon’t have to look at myself anymore as sobs break out of me.It’snow fully sinking in thatIwas beaten and raped, the crushing weight of it all is finally starting to weigh me down further.Itliterally feels likeI’mdrowning and a wave of sadness, pain and depression engulfs me, making it feel likeI’mabout to suffocate.
Mybreathing is rapid and coming out in gasps.Ineed something to take away the pain that’s clawing at my soul.Ibegin looking in the drawers and cupboards for a blade or something.There’snothing in any of them.Ido find a shaving razor though and without even thinking about my actionsIbreak it apart.OnceIget the blades out;Itake one of them and begin to make cuts on my arm whileI’mstill sobbing.
Assoon asIfeel the slice of the blade on my skin, it feels like a balm.Someof the weight on my shoulders feels like it lessens, but just a tiny bit.It’snot much, but it’ll have to do for now.
Ihastily rip my clothes off of me and step into the shower and turn the water on cold and move to stand right under the spray.MemoriesofAntonio’stouch, his cruel laughter, and the way he taunted me, while violating me swarms my mind.
Idrop the blade onto the shower floor and clutch my head with both hands, a scream ripping out of me asIbegin to vigorously wash my body under the spray, especially between my legs to clean out any cum that might still be inside me.Amoment later when it feels likeI’vescrubbed there raw,Islide down the wall so thatI’msitting on the floor.Ishut my eyes tight with my hands still on my head, rocking back and forth asItry to get the memories to go away.I’msobbing, shivering, and bleeding asIlose my mind.
“Makeit go away, make it go away, make it go away…”Ikeep chanting over and over again.
Thedoor to the bathroom burst opens with a bang as it hits the wall.Idon’t even have to look up to know that it’sMason.Herushes into the bathroom and falls to his knees in front of me.
“Fuckbaby!Thiswater is freezing,” he says as he turns it off.I’mstill sobbing and losing it when he sits on the floor with his back against one of the walls before pulling me onto his lap.Hecradles me in his arms, my head on his shoulder, my front to his as he rocks me back and forth and gently rubbing my back up and down as he tries to soothe me.
“Talkto me baby.What’swrong?”Idon’t answer,Ijust keep sobbing into him.Hetakes hold of my arm and he’s instantly mad. “Whythe fuck did you cut yourself again baby?” he groans like it pains him to see me like this.