Page 56 of Broken Empire
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.Seeya later asshole.Ihave to go check on my girl,”Imutter asIhead up the stairs once more.Huntercuts off the lights on his way up leaving the asshole in darkness.
“Goodnight, man,”Huntertells me.It’slate whenIlook at the time.Ididn’t even realize it, but we spent quite a while down there.
“Goodnight,”Itell him back.
Idecide to go take a shower beforeItake up my usual space of watching her.AfterI’mdone with my shower andI’mclean and fresh,Ifeel human again.I’msober andIkind of hate that because ifI’msober, the pain won’t be numbed.
Isit in front of her door and pull up my app to watch her.She’ssleeping and thankfully she’s alone.Mybrother is no longer next to her or in the room.Ifeel some sort of relief at that.Ishouldn’t be jealous of the relationship that she has with my brother, but it just sucks.
I’mabout half an hour into sitting there and watching her when she starts to become restless in her sleep.She’stossing and turning and it looks as though she’s having a nightmare.Withouteven stopping to think about it,Istand to my feet and open her door, before silently making my way inside.
Fuckit!Ineed to be close to her and keep her nightmares away.Assoon asIslip into her bed and pull her into my arms, she seems to go limp.Shecalms down and goes right back to sleep without fussing.
Ihave to admit, holding her in my arms again feels like heaven and peace.Isnuggle my face into her hair and then her neck and just inhale her scent.Itsmells like home.
Inno timeI’mfalling asleep next to her, pulling her closer into my arms.I’llprobably get shit for this when she wakes up, but for right now,Ijust need to feel her next to me.Notbeing next to her has been killing me slowly.Ican only hope that one day she’ll forgive me and let me be a part of her life again…
WINTER
Ifeelhim next to me beforeIeven open my eyes, andIknow it’s notGraysonwith me anymore.Mason’sscent and his mere presence has always been so large and all-consuming that it always takes over the entire atmosphere whenever he’s near me.
Idon’t move,Ijust lay there completely still in his arms, even thoughIcan tell he’s still asleep from the way he’s breathing.Ihaven’t spoken to him in two days andI’vebarely even looked in his direction.Asmuch asIwanted to,Icouldn’t becauseI’mstill conflicted about our relationship.IknowIsaid it’s over between us but…
Istill love him.
IthinkI’llalways love him.
Butright now, my head is just one big, jumbled mess and my emotions are all over the place.Ican’t stop reliving every heartache and pain filled momentI’vesuffered through along with all the miseryI’vehad to endure.Miserythat he played a part in andIdon’t know how to, or ifIeven could get over any of it.
Ijust need some space from him, but the asshole is not making it easy.He’sjust constantly there.Alwaysfucking there, hovering whenIdon’t want him to.
Icontinue to lay there for another moment and scan the room in its entirety.Ilook at the flowersIleft on the table.Inthe last two days he’s brought me distinct kinds of wildflowers that he no doubt picked himself.Healso brought some little handwritten notes thatI’veyet to read.I’mjust not ready to go there and read what’s in them.
Ihave to admit though that this is harder thanIthought it would be.Whycouldn’tIbe just as heartless as he was?
Ilet out a sigh, asIturn around so thatI’mfacing him.There’sa furrow in his brow like something is bothering him, even in sleep.Igently trace the crease without thinking and he throws his arm around my waist before pulling me closer into him.Greeneyes stare into mine as we’re now flush against each other.Hebends his head to my hair, inhaling deeply and then exhaling slowly.
“Youshouldn’t be in here,” are the first words out of my mouth.
“Yousmell so intoxicating.God!I’vefucking missed you baby.Pleasedon’t send me away,Ican’t live without you,” he groans in his husky morning voice.Theone that always does funny things to my insides.Ifeel a shiver run down my body as he uses his hand to trail light touches along my arm and down to my hip and thigh.
Isqueeze my thighs together, asItry to remind myself thatIdon’t really want to be with him anymore.AtleastI’mnot supposed to.Withthat thought firmly lodged in my head,Iquickly pull away from him a bit.
“Ican’t, we can’t…”Itell him. “Idon’t want this anymore.”
“Babyplease stop saying that.You’refucking killing me every time you say that.”
“Getout!”Isnap at him before getting out of the bed and rushing for the bathroom.Asecond later,Ihear his feet land on the hardwood floor with a thud, as he follows behind me.AndI’mnot quick enough to get in and slam the door in his face.Hegrabs me around the waist and pushes me up against the wall right outside the bathroom door.
Myback hits the wall with a soft thud, the impact not hard enough to hurt.Hemoves to stand in front of me, both hands on my hip with enough distance between us thatIdon’t feel crowded or caged in.
“WhatdoIneed to do to show you how fucking sorryIam for everythingI’vesaid and done to you?Whatdo you want from me?”
“Nothing.Absolutelynothing.”
“Please.I’lldo whatever it takes.Notbeing next to you or with you is slowly killing me…”
“So, you keep saying but you’re not dead.Youlook pretty fine to me.”Igrowl angrily at him.