Page 134 of Trusting You
There’s a sinking feeling completely unrelated to my damaged chest. “Carter, I don’t want you to do that.”
“What we’ve been doing—aside from Lily, I mean—it was inappropriate.”
I keep my voice low, unthreatening. “I wouldn’t call what we shared inappropriate.”
“Don’t argue with me on this. We’re going to be professional from this point on. I’ll communicate with you about Lily, always. Especially while you’re here, but that’s all. Okay? You and I—well, there is no you and I. I want to go back to the beginning, how it was when we first met.”
I laugh, but it comes out as a wheeze. “I sure as hell don’t want that.”
“You don’t get a choice this time.” She’s dead serious. “I’m not saying I’ll hate you again, but I…” She draws in a deep breath. “I don’t want to like you anymore, either.”
I’m stuck in this bed, pretty much immobile, and I’m so fucking aware of it. I’m desperate to Hulk out and throw this bed at the wall in pure, utter frustration. Instead, I’m forced into a wimpy, wheeze-filled, “How can you say that? After what we—”
“We only have one thing in common. Her.” Carter reaches for Lily, who goes into her arms happily and willingly, without one look back at dad. “And in fourteen days, it won’t even be that. Say ‘bye, Lily. You’ll see Daddy again soon.”
“Adadadadada.” Lily shoves all her fingers of one hand into her mouth and chews, staring doe-eyed at me.
“Carter, don’t go. Talk to me,” I say.
“That’s the problem,” she responds, but she’s focused on adjusting Lily’s shirt. It doesn’t need adjusting. “You haven’t given me the same courtesy. Good-bye, Locke.”
“Carter, stop. Don’t leave.”
“I’ll be back with her in a few hours.”
Never, in my entire life, have I felt so useless, so worthless, to be lying prone in this bed, stuck to wires and tubing. “You can’t go like this.”
“This isn’t a punishment, Locke. I’m not keeping Lily from you, but she needs to go home, be in a familiar place for a while—and that’s your place. She’s yours, always. So, let us leave.”
I can’t find anything else to say. Nothing in Carter’s expression indicates that even if I discover the secret to her universe or a meaningful sentence to make her falter, she’ll still go. Carter doesn’t have to utter the words, but I understand them fully.
I’m done with you, Locke.
And I’ve never been more terrified to lose.
“I’ll see you later,” she says, and I don’t stop her. Lily waves from her perch in Carter’s arms, peeking over her shoulder as they leave.
One breath. Hitch. Two breaths. Hitch. Every motion rips at my lung tissue. Inhaling and exhaling pull any energy I have left into enduring the pain.
But I find enough to throw my legs over. I muster the rest to stand on one leg. And I hook the mattress and heave, roaring until I pass out, lights flashing and heart monitor screaming.
The bed doesn’t move an inch.
All I do is crumple to the ground.