Page 39 of One Last Time

Every picture I've seen of her in the past couple of weeks has my gut clenching. She's lost weight, her face is drawn, pale, and worst of all, she looks as though she's breaking. Every conversation I have with her she tells me she's okay, that she's tired. I call bullshit. There's more to this than her being tired. I'm trying to give her the space she needs, but at the same time I need to find out what's going on with her. I'm not going to let her slip through my fingers again.

Even Dahlia is worried about her, the pictures that have been online have us all worrying. My girl has always been slender, but now she’s all skin and bones. I’m angry that I can’t be with her, she’s obviously going through some shit, but she’s not telling either of us what it is. My mind is running with scenarios. Is she having second thoughts about us?

Jack slaps my back as we move through the tunnel toward the field. He gives me a nod of his head, one that I return. Tonight, we give it our all, just as every other game. I push all thoughts of Payton from my mind. Forcing myself to focus.

Tonight, we’re playing San Diego, we’re on the best run the team has been on in a while. Jack Cassly is a powerhouse of a quarterback, and the rest of the fucking world is jealous that he’s on our team. The man is not only a role model but a fucking hero to kids and men alike. Being able to play alongside him is something that only comes around once in a lifetime. He pushes everyone to be the best player they can be. He’s made me a better player.

The roar of the crowd as we step out onto the field sends goosebumps throughout my body. The crowd is unbelievable, hands down the best fans in the world. They support us through it all. Seeing supporters wearing a jersey that has your name and number on it makes all the hard work worth it.

As soon as the game starts, I’m all business. I put my all into each and every game, and I’m rewarded. I’m a team starter, and not even in my wildest dreams did I think I’d get here this early on in my career, but I did, and I’m making sure there’re no regrets. I’m proving to everyone why the coach has me on the team and why Seattle Silverbacks picked me as their number one pick.

Jack and I work closely together, it’s one of the reasons we bonded so quickly. We’ve managed to form a partnership that’s untenable. We both know what the other is going to do. Training is tough, but when we put our practice on the field, it pays off.

I’m exhausted after the game, but elated. We won, it was a hard-fought game, but we came out victors, adding another win to our tally.

Seattle - 34

San Diego - 24

“Yo, Miller. Are we partying tonight?” Tate asks while we’re in the locker room. My eyes instantly search for Cas and I see the worry etched on his face.

Tonight, Tate started his first game for Seattle Silverbacks, he’d been good for the past three months. He quit the boozing, quit the women, and focused hard on getting to where he wanted to be in the team.

Hearing him ask if we’re partying pisses me off. I know he wants to celebrate, but to do the one thing that has been his downfall in recent times is a disaster waiting to happen.

Right now, all I want to do is call Payton and see if she’ll talk to me.

“We’re all going out for some drinks,” Clarke says. He plays alongside Cas on the offensive line. Clarke’s the left tackle, while Cas is the center. “Time to unwind.”

I sigh, knowing that I’m not going to be able to slip away and head on home. I’ll fire off a text to Payton telling her that I’ll call her a little later tonight.

When I’m dressed, I toss my shit into my duffle bag, and my phone buzzes causing my body tighten. It’s from Payton. These days, I’m not sure what I’m going to get in response. Most of the time it’s one worded answers.

You played great tonight. I miss you.

Fuck, seven words. God. My heart fucking soars.

I miss you too, baby. Are you okay?

I need her to be okay. The thought of her not is tearing me apart.

I’m okay, I love you, Si. I’m sorry, I’ve been distant. Call me in the morning?

For the first time in fucking weeks, I feel lighter. This is like the old Payton. I’m not giving up though, I’m determined to find out what’s happened. What made her pull back from me.

I love you too, baby. Don’t ever forget that.

I won’t. I don’t deserve you.

It’s bullshit like that, that has me wondering what the hell is going through my girl’s head. Where in the hell has she got that fucking idea.

Trust me, baby, I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you.

The sooner she gets home, the fucking better. I’ll be able to set her straight. This time apart isn’t doing anything to help either of us.

Enjoy tonight, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love you. X

Night, baby. X