Page 19 of Blinded By Hate

“What if he does? What if he goes on your Instagram one of these days and digs too deep?” Brandon asks as I go into the kitchen and grab the pitcher of water from the fridge.

I don’t post Junior on social media because I want him to stay away from that place but my mom posts about him on her private Instagram. Hayden wouldn’t follow her because he was never close with my mom like I was with his parents.

“He won’t. I’m not worried, Brandon.”

Brandon gets off the couch and he walks towards me. “You need to stop being selfish for once and think about him. What if Junior wants to meet his dad someday? Are you going to refuse him?”

I glare at Brandon. “I thought you didn’t like Hayden so why are you trying to stick up for him?”

“Because if I had a son out there, I would do everything in my power to see him and make an effort to show him I want to be a part of his life. You don’t get to choose whether Hayden gets to see his son or not,” Brandon argues, getting frustrated because I’m not listening to him. Brandon has a point but I don’t want to face Hayden. Life is okay without him and without acknowledging him. I place the pitcher on the island counter. “Hayden loves you, too. He would want to be a part of your and Junior’s life. Yes, he’ll be mad if you never tell him but he will still be there.”

“How do you know? I was so destroyed that night Brandon, you have no clue,” I say as tears start to form in my eyes.

I already cried on the way home and Diego even asked me if I was okay.

“He took a mad punch to the face, simply because he saw you in the crowd. He was smiling the entire interview while you were talking to him. I would sometimes watch interviews of him and this is the first time I’ve ever seen him smile that wide on television. He’s never looked so happy in an interview.”

I shake my head and a tear finally falls from my eyes. “I can’t, Brandon. I can’t risk it.” Brandon sighs and he walks around the island. I feel him wrap his arms around me making me turn around and hug him back. I press my face into his chest and just cry. “I’m sorry. I’m scared and I just can’t go through that again,” I say, trying to calm down my breathing as I cry into his chest.

Seeing Hayden again, just changed everything for me. I feel like I’m back to where I started.

Eight

Jaclyn

Present

I asked Patience if I could come see her first thing Monday morning. I’ve had the weekend to think and reminisce even though I wish I didn’t.

It’s like when I saw Hayden, all the memories just came back. I never thought much about him in the past five years. Yes, I thought about him here and there but never this much.

At night I found myself searching up his Instagram and looking through his profile. I looked through his following list and his story highlights. Most of the story highlights on his page are fights, training videos, traveling photos, etc. He doesn’t post much about his family, I noticed. In the comments, girls are just commenting thirsty things for him which made me jealous so I closed my phone before going to bed.

“Okay, tell me everything that happened. Let’s start from the beginning of everything between you and Hayden.” Patience sits back in her chair and she puts her notebook on the side table.

“Why? Why go back to the beginning when it’s been years of just constantly talking about it?”

“Because obviously this relationship affected you a lot. It gave you severe trauma and instead of clinging onto Junior to make it go away or trying to ignore it all, we should talk about it. Sometimes that’s the best thing we can do,” she explains.

I lean into my chair and lift my knees to my chest. “I was around 15 or 16 when I first met Hayden. It was in an alleyway. My parents were fighting so I got out of the car and ran to the alleyway where I found him.”

“You look pathetic when you cry.” I hear someone say making me turn my head to the side. A boy enters the alley, looking mean and cruel. He looks young like me and I hate how he is so attractive yet rude because I would like him if he was nicer. “Are you going to say something or are you going to ignore me and continue crying like a child?”

I wipe the tears from my face and try to calm down my breathing and rapid heartbeat. I just need to relax.

“Nobody asked you to stare at me like a weirdo, so just leave,” I say in a nasty tone, not in the mood to deal with anyone.

I just wanna go home and pretend everything is okay by reading because reading and writing my thoughts down are the only things that seem to make me happy anymore.

Everything in fictional worlds are better than reality.

Nothing could compare.

“It wasn’t the best way to meet someone. My dad made me sad and I ran into Hayden who probably was having a bad day.” It’s funny how Hayden and I never really talked much about that day even though it was the day we first met. “After that day I didn’t see Hayden again until I was 19 and moved to Arizona for college. I became friends with his sister and somehow I grew closer to her and the rest of the group. But Hayden and I always had tension when we were together. I don’t know what it was but it was like, every time we were around each other something sparked.”

“After a while, Hayden and I got involved and we started seeing each other as more than friends. We dated for a good year. When we started dating I knew he was in illegal fighting and worked with bad people but I didn’t care because I was blinded by the way he loved me and the way I loved him. During the year we were dating, I felt someone watching me, constantly. Sure, we were harassed and followed by Eric but this was something different.”

My skin breaks out in goosebumps as I feel someone behind me. I turn around and see a black hooded man. I recently started seeing him in my dreams and seeing him in real life feels dangerous.