Page 86 of Peer & Coco

Chapter 36

Coco grabbed the towelon the bathroom counter and wiped her mouth. Flushing the toilet, she stepped over to the sink and washed her hands, her face, and brushed her teeth. Her stomach still reeled, and she was afraid of vomiting again.

The closer it came time for Kelli to come to visit Tyr, the sicker she felt.

She'd held in her nausea until Peer had left and then rushed to put Tyr in the crib before running to the bathroom.

Using the mouthwash, she swished the liquid around her mouth and spit. Taking a deep breath, she walked across the hallway and picked up Tyr.

"You're such a good boy for me." She carried him out to the living room and put him on the couch.

Grabbing a clean diaper, she changed him, and then stood him on the floor while she went to the garbage. She struggled with the cabinet lock under the sink and broke one of her nails.

"Damnit." She closed the door and washed again.

Small hands patted her bare leg. She looked down and smiled. "What do you want, sweet face?" She dried her hands. "Do you want to play with your trucks? Come on. I'll play with you."

Tyr toddled ahead of her and pitched himself forward to the floor in front of his toy box. He was getting fast, and she loved how he entertained himself for longer periods with his toys.

She kneeled down and picked two trucks out, handing him one. "Any minute, we'll have a visitor, and I think she's going to love playing with you, too. Do you think you can share your trucks with her? Hm?"

Her throat closed up. She couldn't even talk about Kelli coming over for visitation without feeling the loss of losing her relationship with Tyr. No matter how many times she told herself that nothing would change, everything would be different.

From Tyr calling Kelli mom to Kelli being around Peer. She trusted him, but she'd worked at The Fire Ring at a time when they were together. She'd seen the closeness, the lust, the playful times, and their fights.

Most of all, they had a child together who was still a baby. That connection drew two people together. Lord knew it'd happened to her and Peer. Living together, working at the bar together, caring for Tyr together, had all been factors of why they'd become attracted to each other.

Maybe without that chance, they never would've gotten together.

Tyr made putter noises with his lips, pushing the truck on the floor. She couldn't love him more if she had given birth to him.

The rumble of a car outside growing closer invaded her pity party. She pressed a hand to her stomach. God, she only needed to get through the next hour.

Before she was ready, Kelli's knock came, and she stood up feeling lightheaded.

Looking back at Tyr one last time, she steeled herself and opened the door.

Kelli looked at her hopefully. Dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a tight T-shirt, she'd come to play.

"I'm a couple minutes early." Kelli's smile trembled. "I can wait out here if you'd like."

"It's okay. Come on in." She stepped back and then closed the door behind her. "He...as you can see is wide awake and ready to play. He likes his trucks and those big blocks the best. Well, he likes when someone else builds a tower, and he gets to knock them over. He's big into destruction."

She was rambling.

It would take her a full week to tell Kelli everything about Tyr. He was a loveable baby, full of cuddles as much as he enjoyed pre-bed roughhousing with his dad.

"Tyr?" She sat down on the couch and leaned over. "This is..."

Kelli looked at her. The yearning in the other woman's eyes pained her. As much as she wanted to hate Kelli and deny her the right to be in Tyr's life, she empathized with what she'd gone through. She also knew what it was like to grow up without knowing her father.

"This is your mom." She closed her mouth.

She might understand what needed to be done, and she would do whatever she could to make the family dynamics work to Tyr's advantage, but she would not teach Tyr how to say mom. She couldn't. It would break her heart.

"Hi, Tyr. What do you have there?" Kelli sat on the floor; her gaze locked on her son. "That's a cool car. Does it go vroom?"

Tyr ran the toy across the floor, crawled after it, and brought it back and sat in his pile of toys. Coco perched on the couch, her heart racing. Suddenly, she was the third wheel, the observer, the one left out.