Page 25 of A Constant Love
“A few months ago, he found me and beat me up again.”
I had decided long before I walked into that office that I was not telling her about any interaction between James and I after my last attack. I didn’t care if she was bound by patient confidentiality or not…I couldn’t risk it.
“And I’m assuming he is still trying to come after you?”
“Something like that,” I swallowed hard.
“Do you always bite your nails like that?” She pointed to my hands as I was biting one to the point of bleeding.
“Yeah, I’ve always bitten them. Just gotten worse I guess.”
She scribbled something else, and I wasn’t too fond of her condescending tone.
My knee started bobbing up and down as I struggled to sit still.
“Samantha, are you uncomfortable being here?”
Okay, lady, what the fuck?
“I asked you not to call me that…”
She cut me off. “Why? Because your attacker used to call you that?”
I nodded.
“When are you going to stop letting him control your life?”
“Excuse me?” I felt my blood begin to boil.
“You heard me. When are you going to take control of your life again? You have given this man so much power that you don’t even like to be called your given name anymore. What else have you let him take from you?”
Okay, this bitch was about to get punched.
“Have you let him steal your happiness? Your independence? Your ability to let someone into your world? Have you let his hold on you break you down and push away the people who love you?”
Anger bubbled up, and I was ready to scream, but tears came out instead. A river of tears.
“When are you going to grab your life by the horns again and start living? If you want to stop being the victim, stop letting him make you the victim.”
Her words cut through me like a knife. How dare she! She didn’t know me or my situation!
Leaning close to me, her voice went low, “Samantha, you have to learn how to heal yourself. No one is going to do it for you. You won’t ever get closure if you are running away from the demons…even ones as small as the name people call you.”
Sobs escaped my chest as I struggled to breathe. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out of there, so I grabbed my jacket and ran downstairs.
When I jumped in the car, Gabe’s eyes widened, “Sam, what the fuck happened?”
“Just drive. Please.”
“Okay, I’ll take you home.”
“No!” I shouted, startling him. “Not home. There’s somewhere else I need to go.”
A few hours later, I was knocking on a door I never expected. I didn’t know why I was there or why I thought it would be a good idea, but there I was. Standing on the porch waiting for the door to open.
As it swung wide, my tears began to fall again.
“Hi, Daddy.”