Page 107 of Mad Love
I realized I didn’t want to have to deal with any possible girlfriends or future wives. I’ve let Sadie think I’ve tried to tell Weston so she’ll get off my back, but today is the first day I truly have no desire to try again.
Isit there for a few minutes, shaken up about this passage. She definitely never told me she went to his house. Who was this woman? Instead of feeling clearer about things where Sasha is concerned, I’m only becoming more uncertain.
The next few entries are more details about her pregnancy. She wasn’t shy whatsoever about talking those things over, so I knew a lot of this. By the time I reach the last page, she’s had Caleb and feels like she’s barely surviving due to the lack of sleep. I think nothing else could surprise me, but taped to the inside of the back cover, is a letter addressed to Caleb.
My hands are shaking as I unfold the flap and read.
Dear Caleb,
If you’re reading this, it’s because I’ve decided the time is finally right to tell you something.
You’re the best decision I’ve ever made. From the moment you were born, I’ve loved you more than another soul. You’re only a couple of months old when I’m writing this, but even on my hardest days, when I don’t think I’m cut out to be a mom, you will look up at me while you’re nursing or clutch my finger in your fist, and I feel like you love me. I never want to lose that.
I decided not to let your dad know about you before now because, selfishly, I was afraid you’d never love me once you met him. He’s incredibly talented and successful and has way more money than I’ll ever have, and he seems like a good person. But it’s because of the way I love you that I’m going to tell you who your father is and give you that choice. You deserve to have two loving parents, and I hope that once he finds out the truth, he’ll trust me to stay in your life. I’ll fight for that as best I can. And I hope you’ll forgive me and still love me, no matter what.
Your dad is Weston Shaw. When we met, he played for the Colorado Mustangs, and he’d just brought our team to the Super Bowl two years in a row. You look like him already, and if you’re lucky, you’ll be a lot like him too. Your Aunt Sadie says you’ll be the best parts of me and him, and I’d really love that. I trust your Aunt Sadie more than another person on earth, so if she says it, I’m going to believe it.
When you’re ready, we can tell your dad and see how it goes. I’m okay if you choose to never tell him, too, it’s up to you. But I suspect you will because every little boy needs a dad, and I’ve kept you to myself long enough.
I love you always.
Mommy
The tears are running down my face when I’m done, and I sit staring into space, thinking about my sister long after I’ve stopped reading.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
WAKE ME UP
WESTON
It’s been a hectic week at work with the coaches riding us extra hard because of how close we came to losing on Sunday. Coach Evans points at me and a few others before he lets us go.
“I want your head in the game next week. Got it?”
“Yes, sir,” echoes through the room as we all say it.
Afterward, he pulls me aside. “Everything okay, Shaw?”
“Things are going well, sir.”
“Okay, because I’m seeing a lot more of your social life than I’d like in the news. Some are saying you’re not playing your best game.” He lifts his eyebrows.
I try to tamp down the anger and look at him with more calm than I feel. “We’re still winning, aren’t we?”
He gives me his signature cocky grin and pounds me on the back. “Damn right, we are. Just checking to see if you still have that fire in you or if it’s been consumed by that pretty lady friend I’ve seen on your arm.”
“My fire is still burning hot,” I tell him, smirking now.
“That’s what I like to hear. Let’s keep it that way and win another Super Bowl…”
“Yes, sir.”
The next afternoon, an emergency Single Dad Players meeting is called for Penn about Sam. He hasn’t gotten to the bottom of it, unfortunately, but he’s still concerned about the kid and feels like his hands are tied when it comes to helping him. I pull into the driveway late Friday night, worn out and anxious to see Sadie and Caleb. We’re flying out earlier in the day than I’d like tomorrow, heading to Minnesota to play the Vikings on Sunday.
“Hello,” I call when I come in the door.
“We’re in the kitchen,” Sadie says.