Page 59 of From the Ashes
“Does he know?”
“Know what?”
“Don’t play stupid, Charlie. Does he know you love him?”
I floundered for a moment, trying to find the right words to say. It was hard to hear someone voice the thoughts I’d been trying to keep silent in my head for years. I never wanted anyone else to know, but it seemed I’d done a piss-poor job of keeping it secret. If Patrick knew, who else had guessed at my secret?
“I see,” Patrick said after I’d taken too long to respond. “Well, you should tell him.”
“What good would that do?” I scoffed. “Besides, he’s too wild and carefree for me. He’d drive me crazy. And even if he did want to stay, I don’t want to tie him down to this nowhere place. He has a life and a career and…”
“But he doesn’t haveyou.” Patrick held up a hand to silence me when I tried to retort. “I remember how angry you were with me when I tried to hide who I was and how I felt. You told me to make the right decision and deal with the consequences instead of being a coward.” He lifted his gaze, looking me directly in the eye. “And I offer that same advice back to you. Tell that boy how you feel or you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.”
“But he hates it here. I couldn’t ask him to stay!”
“He hated it here when he was a kid,” Patrick corrected. “And you don’t have to ask him to do anything. Just tell him.”
I rolled my eyes, looking away from him, my heart pounding in my chest. “He doesn’t even like me like that. I’m too broken and traumatized for someone as sweet as him.”
Patrick put down his glass and came around the table to my side. He reached out a hand and placed it on my shoulder.
“Charlie,” he said softly. “I say this to you as a friend and with all the care in the world.” He fixed his gaze on mine. “Stop playing the victim and go get what you want in this life. I know it’s been hard for you. Harder than anyone should have to deal with. But you’re alive. Phoenix is alive. You two are dying to be near one another. So stop torturing yourself unnecessarily, okay? Haven’t you been through enough? You deserve some happiness.”
“But how could he wantme?” I asked, my voice cracking and givingaway the sadness threatening to overwhelm me. “I don’t even want me.”
“He does.”
“How can you be sure?”
Patrick gave me a soft smile. “Read the book.”
With one last pat on the shoulder, he headed for the door, thanking me for the lemonade as he left. I stood there in the kitchen for a long moment, trying to process everything he’d said. Then, as if something grabbed a hold of me from within, I darted across the house, pulling the copy ofOpalescent Dreamsoff my shelf and flipped it open. Inside, was a handwritten sticky note in Nix’s familiar hand.
Mom,
I know Charlie doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. But if you see him, can you give this book to him? He’s the only reason I ever had the confidence to become a writer in the first place and I want him to know that my success is because of his encouragement.
Love,
-Phoenix
His signature was scrawled on the title page under the sticky note. I turned the page and found a familiar dedication in the front of the book in italic script.
To the great fire of love that consumes us all. May we rise from the ashes as one to walk through life hand in hand.
It was the same toast Phoenix had said a million times. Except now, it seemed to have meaning for the first time, striking something deep within me. My heart ached as I turned the page again and began to read, not knowing what I might find of Nix’s soul within those pages.
CHAPTER 26
Phoenix
The call from Charlie had surprised me, but not nearly as much as the invite to come back to Creekside. Of course, I agreed to hop on a plane whenever I needed to without even thinking. After writing letters to Charlie for three months, I was ready to see him in person again. They were just letters, but I felt closer to him than I had in a long time. Once I started writing as if nothing had changed between us, things grew warm and fuzzy, just like they’d always been when it came to our friendship. Whenever I read those letters, that same warm fuzzy feeling filled my chest, and I found it hard to concentrate on anything else.
And, because Tony had to know what I was up to at all times, he made it a point to get the most out of the trip. He told me he was getting me afreetrip home on the company’s dime. But what ended up happening was him booking me for a speaking event up in Eugene during the week that I’d be back home. It was just one evening, but it felt like a massive inconvenience.Andthat meant Tony would be coming with me.
Still, it was difficult to turn down a free first-class ticket to Oregon and luxury hotel while we were in Eugene for the event. The whole ordeal added a hint ofworkto what should have been a visit purely for pleasure. I wanted to see my friend and pretend I was back in high school again with nothing in the world to worry about. But the truth was, I’d probably never benotbusy again. Between signings, interviews, and speaking events, my schedule stayed fairly full. It was rare to pass a week without something to go to. Oh, and the publisher was breathing down my neck for another book. How the hell they expected me to write when they kept me run ragged was beyond me.
All that being said, I was determined to spend as much time with Charlie as possible. That’s why, when I insisted on flying my bike across the country again and as soon as we landed, I took off toward Creekside. I’d already told Tony he could stay in my parents’ guest bedroom. My mother was practically in love with him, anyway. But I made sure he knew that I would be completely unavailable for the entire week. And he, to my surprise and with a ‘I told you so’ grin, agreed to leave me be.