Page 69 of From the Ashes

The thought of him buying a house in Boston made my stomach twist into a knot. I didn’t want Nix to live there. And Idefinitelydidn’t see myself moving there. The sounds and people in a small mountain town were already nearly too much for me to bear. Living in a big city that never slept would drive me into an early grave. I couldn’t fathom the amount of medication I’d need just to survive a week there, much less the rest of my life.

But that was also the reality of the situation, wasn’t it? I’d called Nix back to Creekside for a visit because I knew his life was in Boston. Hehad to be close to the big publishers in New York if he wanted his author career to flourish. I wouldn’t take that away from him, not after he’d worked so hard to get it.

“Then I guess you’ll just have to write another book,” I replied at last. “And I know it’ll be great. You’ve always been good and this amount of success at such a young age shows you have real talent. People don’t just become famous authors at twenty-four for no good reason.”

He leaned back, his head resting on my shoulder. “You really think I can do it?”

“I know you can.”

“Thanks.”

I kissed the side of his neck. “So… are we gonna have sex again or do you want to order some food? We never got to eat our lunch.”

“Why not both?” he grinned, his finger curling around mine. “We can order and while we wait for the food, we can do whatever you want.”

“You’re not too sore?”

He just laughed. “Are you kidding? If I can deal with Tony’s insatiable needs, you’ll be just fine.”

I hated hearing him talk about Tony like that. It caused something tight to grip my chest. I assumed it was jealousy, but there was also a sense of betrayal. Like Nix had done something to personally wrong me. I pushed it away because it was, frankly, ridiculous. I was the one that pushed him away. If anyone deserved to feel betrayed, it was Nix.

“Am… Am I any good?” I asked, the question leaving my lips before I could stop myself. “I mean… I know you and Tony must have had fun. But… I’m so new to this and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Charlie,” he said, turning around and grabbing both sides of my face. “You did wonderfully. I promise.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“And… uh… you don’t want to go back to him?”

Nix stared at me with a confused expression. “I stopped having sex with him months ago,” he said. “Why would I want to go back?”

“I don’t know.” The anxiety was creeping back into my system, driving my mouth forward. “I just know that he’s attractive and available and willing. And I’m so…broken.”

“You’re not broken, Charlie.”

“Yes I am, Nix,” I replied sternly, leaving no room for argument. “I’m an anxious mess all the time. I have panic attacks weekly and some of them are so bad that I nearly pass out. Everyone thinks I’m weird and standoffish. They’re right of course. Even Patrick–”

“Pfft,” Nix scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Who gives a shit about Patrick?”

“I do.”

Nix just stared at me.

“He’s a friend,” I said. “The only one I’ve had for a long time.” He opened his mouth to retort, but I held up a hand. “I’m not saying you did a bad job, because it wasn’t your fault I pushed you away. But Patrick was the only person I talked to for a really long time. Even then, I barely said anything to him. Besides you and him, I don’t have any other friends.”

“Well, all that is about to change,” Nix smiled. “My family will want to see you again and maybe you and Tony can be friends too.”

I made a face, scrunching up my nose, but he just laughed.

“I mean it! You two have more in common than you think.” He reached up, bopping my nose with his index finger. “And I’m sure everyone back in Boston will want to meet you. Readers might want to meet you too. After all, the book is about you, right?”

I put my hands in my lap, feeling them suddenly begin to shake at the thought of all those people flooding into my life. My skin went cold and tension filled my body. Having all those people around meant a lot of events, planes, cars, noise, and socializing. Just the thought of it made me want to curl up in the back of my closet and shut the door, locking everyone else out. I couldn’t handle all that. Not right now. Maybe not ever.

But when I looked up and saw that big smile on Nix’s face, I couldn’t tell him that. Instead, I just said, “Right. That would be… cool.”

CHAPTER 30