Page 20 of Beyond the Blues
before I can speak.
“You’re not pregnant, are ya?” my dad interrupts.
“Jesus, no daddy, I… I like girls, which means I’m gay. I’m a lesbian.” The room is so silent you could hear a pin drop. Without further reaction, dad pushes back his chair and walks out the room, slamming the kitchen door behind him. Mam has her head in her hands.
“Mammy, please say something.”
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what are you saying, Nora O’Connell?” She lifts her head from her hands, and before I can say another word, she continues.
“Jesus, how can you be gay? You’ve been going to mass all your life? No, we’re not having it. Why would you say that you’re a good Catholic girl!”
“Mammy, I can’t help it.” I cry out.
“What will the neighbours say? How could you be such an eejit?” At this point she’s shouting, her face red and filled with fury.
“Mam please.” I plead, the sobs tearing through me. I try to edge my way closer to her, but she flinches, holding up her hand to stop me.
“No, it is against God and I can’t have this in my house.”
“Mam! No one needs to know!” I plead with her. I can’t finish my education on the streets.
“But I know!” she screams at me.
“And your daddy knows he won’t speak to you after this.” Her eyes stare at me like lasers cutting through me, any sign of my mam having disappeared.
“You’re a heathen, and you’re no longer welcome in this house.” The words come out of her mouth like venom, heading straight into my heart.
“Mam, please.” My words are barely audible and covered by the tears pouring outta me.
“You’re to get out now and don’t come back, you hear me?” I nod, knowing this is my life now. There’s no changing her mind. I’ve betrayed her and dad. They’d rather disown me than be the disgrace of my family, the disgrace of Sligo.
*
“Shall we go to bed?” Nora asks.
51
BEYOND THE BLUES
“Will you stay with me?”
“Of course.” We both stand up and go into the bathroom. I turn on the shower.
“I’m going to shower. Care to join me?” Nora nods. We both unravel ourselves from the bed sheets we’ve dragged from the bedroom. We both step in the shower, letting the water fall on us, switching sides every minute so we get an equal amount of water. Nora pours the body wash on her hands and rubs it on my body, not sexually, but as an act of care. Before she puts it on my chest, she looks me in the eye, water droplets on her eyelashes.
“Is this okay?”
“Yes.” Nora continues to wash my body considerately. She then washes my hair, scrubbing the shampoo into my scalp and raking the conditioner through my ends. Apologising every time she goes through a knot in my hair. I rinse off all the bubbles, feeling softer than I’ve ever done in my life. Then we swap. I carefully wash Nora, moving my hands over her smooth skin. I shampoo her hair and spike it up, chuckling to myself.
“I think this should be your next look.” I say. Nora grabs my hair and places it all on top of my head.
“This should be yours.”Nora’s smile was like a beam of sunlight illuminating the room. We step out of the bathroom, wrapping towels around ourselves, and look in the mirror. I offer my mouth wash to Nora.
“That’ll have to do.” She pours a cap full and swishes it round her mouth, some of it dripping down the corners of her mouth. I brush my teeth and we both steal glances at each other in themirror. I spit the toothpaste into the sink, but it hangs from my mouth a lot longer than usual.
“Hot stuff, that is.” I playfully nudge Nora away, the frothy toothpaste leaving my mouth as I laugh. We finish our nightly routines separately. This includes Nora weeing about four times before she’s finally settled in bed. We lay in bed, spooning, and at this moment I’ve never felt such a sense of peace. Usually hearing someone breathe infuriates me, but with Nora, it’s comforting.
We wake up in the morning tangled in each other’s arms. Nora’s still peacefully asleep, her lips parted just slightly. Instead of disturbing her, I grab