Page 125 of PS: I Hate You
For the North Dakota trip, I find another bed and breakfast. This one is bird-themed, and I cannot wait to see Dom’s face when he walks into the peacock room I booked for us. Alone for now, I collapse on the bed giggling as I take in all the peacock-themed decor, including a headboard resplendent with feathers fanned out, mimicking the look of a peacock tail.
“I’m going to say ‘cock’ so many times,” I mutter in glee.
Eager to finally see Dom in person after months of being apart, I shove off the cushy bed and search for my purse, digging through it until I unearth my phone. This device has been my main connection to him. But soon I’ll have my hands on Dom, then my mouth, then my tongue. And after I go sex wild on him, I’ll get to slow down and take my time. Run my fingers through his silky hair. Feel his chest vibrate with a chuckle when I make a snarky comment. Coax him into singing so I can hear his deep voice and watch his lips spread in a smile I’ll get to kiss the corners of.
As I search my phone’s screen for a notification from Dom, I realize I never turned off airplane mode. My rental car had a navigation system I used to get to this small North Dakota town, and Dom’s flight isn’t supposed to arrive for another half hour, so I wasn’t expecting any messages.
Which is why I’m surprised when my phone starts chiming immediately upon connecting to data.
Multiple messages and missed calls from Dom.
I dial him right away instead of reading his texts.
“Maddie.” Dom sighs my name, picking up on the first ring. A knot of anxiety in my chest eases at the sound of his voice.
“Hey. Sorry, I left my phone in airplane mode, and I just got to the B&B. Did your flight get in early?” Regret pinches me. If I’d turned on my phone and checked his flight, I would have realized and hung around the airport so we could share a car and an extra few hours together.
“I missed my flight.”
A spike of worry stabs into my chest. “What happened? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” he assures me, and I breathe easier. “I couldn’t get to the airport in time. A pipe burst in our house—Rosaline’s house.”
The air expels from my lungs so fast I’m sure someone just punched me in the gut.
Our house.
That slip shuts something down inside me.
A part of my brain keeps track of the conversation enough to hear him explain how there was a foot of water in the basement and in their scramble to save her belongings he lost track of time, got on the road too late, and missed his flight.
But while that information registers on the outermost layer of my consciousness, I’m locked deeper in my mind. In a dark place I thought—hoped—I’d never return to again. The place that compares me to another woman and finds all the ways I’m lacking.
She’s more beautiful than me.
She’s smarter than me.
She’s friendlier than me.
She’s kinder than me.
When she needs him, he goes to her.
He goes totheirhouse.
She was his first.
She’ll be his last.
He’ll leave me for her. Just like he did last time.
“Now there’s a storm grounding the planes.” Dom’s voice is low and tense with frustration. “Nothing is going out. I’m sorry, Maddie. I’ll get there as soon as I can.”
He’s only coming because he feels responsible for me.
Because Josh thoughtIneeded someone to hold my hand, and Dom’s instinct is to care for people.
I’ve been fooling myself this whole time, lying to myself that Josh thought I could take care of Dom. That he’d leave the responsibility of his best friend’s well-being to me. That my brother thought I had enough strength to be strong for someone else.