Page 77 of Bean

I felt a little like a kid again, sneaking around, laughing behind my hand, kissing behind closed doors, and hurriedly pulling away whenever we heard someone coming. We were left to our own devices after dinner…for a while. We brushed our teeth and put on pajamas, but halfway through a make-out session, the door burst open, and Tameron walked in.

The shit-eating grin on his face told me he’d done it on purpose, and the look on Bean’s face told me it was probably against some rule they had in their house.

“Sorry, sorry,” Tameron said, not sounding sorry at all. He didn’t leave, even as Bean sat up and glared at him. Instead, he leaned his shoulder on the doorframe and smirked.

“I didn’t invite you in,” Bean said, sounding a little more snippy than usual.

Tameron adjusted something behind his ear. “Sorry, what was that? I think I missed what you were saying.”

Bean lifted his hands and made a couple of motions, and Tameron raised his own in surrender, backing out as Bean closed the door behind him.

“Was that sign language?” I couldn’t help but ask.

Bean’s cheeks pinked. “Yeah. The guys have all been taking lessons, but we agreed it wasn’t worth me shelling out the money to learn when I probably won’t retain too much of it. But I’m doing my best to pick up as much as I can. He gets frustrated trying to pretend to be hearing.”

I frowned as Bean settled back against me. “Why does he pretend?”

Bean was silent in thought, and I was patient until he found the words he was looking for. “I don’t know a whole lot about what he’s dealing with. He doesn’t like talking about it. But once or twice he’s talked about feeling like an outsider. He lost his hearing during the blast—it’s permanent and profound when he’s not wearing his devices. He has some natural low tones left, and he has hearing aids that conduct sound through the bones behind his ear, so that helps, but it’s not the same as it was.”

I raised my brows. “Hearing through the bones sounds kind of cool.”

Bean snorted. “Yeah. He seems to think so. But he deflects a lot by trying to make everyone laugh and making Deaf jokes. I think it bothers him when he misses out on so much. He laughs and smiles, but there’s been a few times when I can tell he’s not following what we’re saying, but he doesn’t like asking us to repeat ourselves and won’t do it as often as he should.”

“That must be hard.” I stroked my fingers through his hair, trying not to think too deeply about what they all were going through. Everyone had their own scars, like Bean and Nash had said.

“Yeah. And I get it. He’s learning ASL because relying on his residual hearing is hard, but so many people don’t know it or won’t learn it.Or they’re like me, and they can’t.I know he doesn’t want to be a burden, so he just…does what he can to get by.”

I tipped Bean’s chin up to look at him. “Sounds like someone I know.”

He rolled his eyes and hid a laugh. “Mmm. I don’t know what you mean.”

“I bet you don’t,” I answered, then leaned in to kiss him long and slow. Our tongues touched, soft and warm, and I let him lead the way.

I didn’t want to push him in any way that he didn’t want to be pushed.

“Jarek,” he whispered, pulling away from the kiss.

I looked into his eyes and held his gaze. “Merrill.”

“Oh.” His cheeks flushed.

“I’m sorry, is that?—”

“No. No, just…I’ve always hated my name. The only person who uses it is my mom, and she’s…” He bit his lip, then bowed his head. “Complicated.”

I knew what that word really meant. Complicated was probably too polite for her, but Bean was far too kind to say anything other than that. I cupped his cheek and stroked my thumb across his bottom lip.

“I won’t use it if it upsets you.”

He shook his head. “No. When she uses it, it sounds like a curse. Like something disappointing. When you use it…” He trailed off.

I caught his gaze. “When I use it?”

“It sounds like a hymn.”

I kissed him again. I couldn’t help it. I caught his moan on my tongue and swallowed it down, leaning over so I could pin him to the bed. Breaking away with a gasp, I nipped at his ear, then whispered, “I know we have to keep quiet, but I really need to touch you, sweet thing.”

He shivered. “Yeah. Yes. I want you to touch me.”