Page 86 of Bean
He’s too old for me. I need to be with someone my own age.
He’s a caretaker, and I only like him because he’s so kind and accepting of my limitations.
It feels completely different from what I felt for Natasha.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
JAREK
“I say this with love from the bottom of my heart, but you need to calm the fuck down.”
I offered my brother a glare in spite of the fact that he was right. I did need to calm down. It wasn’t like I was facing some life-changing news. Except…it sort of was exactly like that. My mortality wasn’t on the line, but my heart was.
Waking up next to Bean after having been inside him—after taking him over the edge and tumbling after him with him soft and needy and pliant in my arms—there was no denying it. I was head over heels in love with him, and I wanted to be with him.
The idea of ever getting married again still made me want to pull my own face off, yet when I thought about putting a ring on Bean’s finger and calling him husband in the distant future, it was different. Almost like it was healing all the tender, aching scars Gio had left behind.
This was my happily ever after. Bean was my person. He’d come along later than I’d hoped, but I still had plenty of years ahead of me.
I didn’t just want him.
Ineededhim.
It was time to make all of that clear. I’d invited Andrei over to help me get everything right, but so far, all he’d done was laugh at me and make fun of the fact that I was borderline hysterical.
“You can go.”
He deflated and actually looked sorry. “Hey, I’m not trying to be a dick?—”
“No, I know. You’re being yourself, and normally, that’s fine, but this is a big deal for me.” I walked over and sank onto the couch, dropping my face into my hands. “I’ve never felt like this before.”
The couch cushion moved as he sat, and he rubbed the space between my shoulder blades. “Breathe.”
“I’m talking, so I’m obviously breathing.”
He scoffed. “You know what I mean. And I get it. I mean, Idon’tget it. I’ve never been in love the way you are. But I know this is a big deal for you. I understand what’s on the line here.”
I wanted to snap at him that no, he didn’t. He couldn’t. Neither of us had ever known anyone in a solid, non-toxic relationship, let alone been in one ourselves. But it wouldn’t do me any good to be unkind to my support system, considering how small it was.
I dropped my hands and looked over at him. “I’m terrified. I don’t know what I’m going to do if he turns me down.”
“What’s your plan?”
I gestured weakly at the kitchen where I’d prepared the chicken and dumplings to the exact specification of his recipe. I ended up calling Nash and had him walk me through it—which he had, patiently and kindly—and as much as I knew it was nowhere near the quality Bean could have produced, it was edible.