Page 85 of Broken Pieces

“Let me go,” she whispers not meeting my eyes.

“No. I can’t do that.”

“Please Brooks.” She looks up at me and I see the pleading in her eyes. I swore I would never hurt her, so I let her go.

She paces the room. I can tell she is struggling for words. “I thought we said no expectations. No feelings. Just fucking. That’s all this is, isn’t it?”

I speak softly. “Like hell we’re just fucking Rae. I know you feel it, feel something more between us.”

“I can’t love you, Brooks,” she says, folding her arms tight across her body.

“Why? Why can't you just take a chance on us?”

She looks at the floor, refusing to make eye contact. “I told you I can only give you what I've already given you.”

“And I swore I would never love anyone again.” I walk over to her and get down on my knees in front of her hoping she will at least make eye contact with me. “Yet here I am on my knees begging you to love me. Hell, I don’t care if you can’t tell me you love me. But give me a chance to prove to you that this is real.”

She still avoids my eyes but stays in the same spot. “I can’t love again, Brooks.”

I grip her hands. “You don’t have to love me but let me love you. I don’t care if it’s one-sided. I just need you in my life.”

“You don’t care now if it’s one-sided. But what happens six months from now? A year from now? You’ll resent me for not loving you.”

I stand in front of her. “I would never do that.”

She finally meets my eyes. “Yes, you would. I am never going to be able to love you. My heart is incapable of it. Don’t you understand?” She sighs and glances away before looking back at me, tears filling her eyes. “The first people who gave me their love were taken away from me. The second who gave me his love destroyed it with a shotgun. The third who gave me his love threw it back in my face with his fists.”

I groan as I rub my hands over my face. The thought of what Logan did to her makes me want to kill him. “I would never do that.”

“I know you won’t. But I am never going to love again because I would just lose it, I would lose you.”

My heart breaks at her words. “You won’t lose me, Rae.”

“Yes, I will. I am too broken to love.”

“You're not broken,” I say as I wrap my arms around her, refusing to let her go again. “You're scared. Because this right here is real. And the past three years of your life haven't been real. They've been you running scared.”

She tries to push off my me, struggling in my arms, but I don’t budge. Her tears start coming full force. “You don't think the past three years were real. What about the scars I have? Those look pretty fuckin’ real to me. And what the hell do you think was I even running from? I'm not running from anything!”

“You're running from what's real. Because the last time something was real you lost it. It tore you apart. You used everything you could to hide those feelings. But this,” I point between the two of us, “you and me this is real. And I can't let you go. I can't let you run anymore.”

“We're not like my brother and Harper. This isn't a fairy tale. There is no prince to rescue me and I've been broken in too many pieces for you to fix me, to put my pieces back together.”

I grip her face making sure she sees the truth in my words. “Rae I've been trying to put your pieces back together for months. Haven't you seen that I was just as broken of a man? But you helped me heal, everything that you gave me when you don't think you gave me a thing.”

Her tears start spilling down her cheeks and I wipe them away as she speaks. “Do you think I’ll ever be able to love you?”

I wrap her tight in my arms as I whisper into her ear. “Baby, I don’t care how long it takes. I know one day you will feel strong enough, safe enough to say those words again. I know we aren’t a fairy tale and I am far from a prince but you and me together we are the perfect storm.”

“But doesn’t the perfect storm destroy everything?” she mumbles into my neck.

“It’s only going to destroy our past so we can move forward.”

She pulls back from my grip and searches my eyes. I don’t know if what I said will hold in her mind, but I hope it does.

“Okay,” she whispers.

“Okay?”

She nods and I pull her into my arms. Glad my confession didn’t cause me to lose her.

I am not so sure the other one I am hiding will do the same.