Page 341 of His Hungry Wolf
Evan lowered his head. “I get it. It just didn’t make things easy for me. That’s all. I didn’t want to wear dresses. I didn’t want to wear makeup. I just liked guys. I just liked you. And since you were the only gay guy I’d ever met…”
“You thought there was only one way to be gay,” I suddenly realized. “So you hated yourself because who you felt like didn’t match what you thought you had to be.”
“Exactly!” Evan said excitedly.
I looked at him blankly. Lifting my hands, palms open in front of me, I slowly turned them until my fingertips were pointed at me.
“What?”
I emphasized that my fingers were pointed at me.
“I don’t get it.”
“Evan, that’s what I was going through. Do you think I had it any easier than you did?”
“You didn’t? How could you not? Your parents had to have accepted who you were.”
“Tolerating it isn’t the same thing as accepting it. Why do you think I kept doing the things I did? I was trying to create a space large enough for me to be myself without people looking at me strangely for it. That’s why I wore dresses and makeup, so that whatever else I did, it wouldn’t compare.”
“I get that now,” Evan said nodding his head. “But, that doesn’t mean you made things easy for the rest of us.”
“The rest of us?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t the only other gay guy at our school. I had a buddy on the football team that would help me out when I needed… relief.”
“So, two of the assholes making my life hell were gay?”
“He had a girlfriend. I don’t know if he was gay. He would just help me out sometimes.”
“Because that’s what friends do?” I asked him sarcastically.
“Yeah.”
“Jesus!”
“What?”
I opened my mouth about to tell him how stupid he was when I stopped. He really didn’t know. And how could he? How could anyone know what they don’t know?
Wasn’t that the purpose of a therapist, to share insights that clients wouldn’t have gained any other way?
How different would my life had been if someone had helped Evan to accept himself? I probably wouldn’t be the person I am today. I didn’t know if I would be better or worse, but I sure would have liked to find out.
“Evan, have you ever thought about seeing someone? Like a therapist?”
“I don’t need to see a therapist,” he responded defensively.
“First of all, you absolutely do. I can barely think of anyone who needs to see one more.”
Evan lowered his eyes. “I know.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I might be dumb. But I ain’t stupid.”
“So, why haven’t you?”
“I don’t know. I’m a wolf shifter, who am I supposed to see?” He paused and looked at me. “But, maybe if you were willing to grab something to eat with me we could talk about it some more?”