Page 113 of Under the Waves

After a pause, followed by a broken inhale, Jasper whispered, “I don’t…I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“You are rather ugly to look at,” I jested, earning a mediocre laugh from him before his face hollowed, those stone walls rebuilding by the second. “You don’t have to worry about me, Ridge. You’ve seen me at my worst. I’ve now seen you at your worst. We may both be broken, but at least we can be broken together.”

That seemed to be the final crack, breaking him clean open. Silent sobs racked his frame as he swayed on his feet. I’d never seen him so vulnerable before.

Part of it terrified me.

Without thinking, I instinctively wrapped my arms around him and pulled his body against my chest. His tears fell against my clothes, but I couldn’t have care less about them. They could always be washed later. He was more important. I let my fingers entwine in those golden curls as I stroked the back of his head, letting him know that I was here and would wait an eternity for him, if he needed. I wasn’t going anywhere.

I’d become his anchor in an ocean determined to drown him; I’d become the same thing he had become for me.

Alifeline.

A desert island amidst endless hues of blue.

Jasper’s coach appeared over his shoulder, his silent presence communicating more than any words could. That was it took for this moment between us to fall apart to pieces. Jasper instinctively pulled backwards, tearing himself from me as he turned to face his coach. I didn’t know what type of relationship he had with his coach, but from the disapproving look on his face, I knew I hated him.

He shook his head in disappointment and walked away, leaving me and Jasper alone.

“Jas—”

“Leave, Poppy.”

He couldn’t even turn around to face me.

I reached up and grabbed him by the back of the neck, forcing him to turn around and look at me.

But his eyes looked everywhere but me.

“Jasper, look at me for God sake!”

He didn’t.

What did I tell you, Poppy?

He doesn’t love you.

You are a stupid, foolish girl.

Look what you’ve done.

You’ve ruined him.

Just like she said you would.

Just like you were destined to do.

“Jasper,” I repeated, softly this time. I refused to cry. I refused to let my heart break for a body who couldn’t even look me in the eyes.

“I wish I never met you,” he said quietly, voice as cold as stone. I flinched. “Why couldn’t you have just stayed away. Why did you have to come back and ruin everything?”

My chest burned as if someone had dropped a boulder on it.

He was hurting. He didn’t mean it. He wasn’t like her. He wasn’t her.

I tried to reassure myself, I tried to remember that he wasn’t my mom. He was just hurting right now. He didn’t mean it. He couldn’t have meant it. This couldn’t have all been for nothing.

Change my mind about you, Jasper Ridge.