Page 47 of Loving Jemima
Ellie took three full deep breaths before she could say anything. And when she did, the words broke out without her meaning them to. “I kissed Jem.”
“You… you what?” Carys said, raising her eyebrows in surprise.
“I kissed Jem,” Ellie said again, getting used to the idea. “Or she kissed me, I’m not sure which.” Now that she was putting words on it, maybe it didn’t seem as ridiculous as she’d been thinking.
“Well, how about that,” Carys said slowly. She cocked her head. “And how are we feeling about that?”
Ellie took another deep breath, then another, trying not to think about Jem’s soft lips. Or trying to divorce her feelings about the matter from her feelings about soft lips in general. “I, uh, I think…” Another deep breath. Be realistic. Be truthful. “I think that maybe it’s not the right thing.”
“Hm. Alright. And why not, pray? She seems like a nice girl, disgusting wealth aside, and she’s pretty enough.”
Ellie had to swallow again. “Because… because she’s things that I’m not and I don’t want to have to deal with that.”
It was a pathetic excuse even if it was kind of true and Ellie fully expected Carys to pull her up on it. But to her surprise, she didn’t, she just nodded. “We can’t always fall for the right person at the right time.”
Which was a bit of an understatement. Jemima Darlington was a dangerous person, a rich person, and a secretive person. None of which added up to someone who Ellie should let into her comfortable life. She did have soft lips though. Sort of pillowy and warm.
“But then, I don’t suppose we get to choose, do we?” Carys went on. She put a hand on Ellie’s arm. “After all, feelings are feelings, they don’t necessarily come out to play only for the suitable playmates.”
“Huh?” asked Ellie, thinking that maybe she was having some kind of attack now.
“Nothing,” Carys said, with a strangely puzzled look on her own face. “Nothing. Just… I don’t know, I’m the last person to give romantic advice. I mean, if you don’t like the girl then you have to tell her, you can’t lead her on. Though I suppose she’s the boss’s daughter in a way, so maybe you have to string her along until the job is done.”
“Helpful, thanks.”
Carys grinned. “Like I said, not really best positioned to give advice. I suppose you need to think about what’s deep inside, what your real feelings are, and go with that? Isn’t that what you’d tell me to do?”
“Yes,” admitted Ellie. “But I’m not sure how that applies here. I mean, obviously this isn’t going to be a thing.”
“No, you don’twantit to be a thing. Itcouldbe a thing if you wanted it to be.”
“I—” Ellie interrupted herself with a sigh. “Fine, I need to think about things.”
“And then you need to talk to the woman.”
“Right.” She blew out a breath. “Um, thanks?”
“Not sure I helped that much,” said Carys, standing up andoffering her a hand.
Ellie took it and let herself be pulled up. “It was enough that you’re here.”
Carys grinned. “I’m always here. Except when I’m not. Like now. I’m off to the dentist.”
Ellie waved her goodbye and went on her way up the stairs to the office. It was empty when she got there, Mo off seeing musical acts, and she was glad of the quiet finally. It would give her time to think, time to forget those soft lips, and time to consider just what she should say to Jem about not ever repeating what had just happened.
Even though every cell in her body wanted nothing more than to kiss Jem again.
WHEN THE DOOR clicked open Ellie was so sure it was Mo coming back that she was halfway up out of her chair to go and make tea. But then Jem appeared and she sank back down. This was going to be tough, she needed to be sitting down for this one.
She’d had time to think, time to consider just what kissing Jem could mean, for her company, for her life, and time to recognize that she couldn’t do this, it just wasn’t right. And she’d had time to figure out just what she had to do. She needed to take a leaf out of Jem’s book and be the adult here, apologize immediately. Which was exactly what she did.
“I’m sorry,” she said, as soon as Jem walked in. “Kissing you was inappropriate and out of line. It won’t happen again.” She’d decided to dismiss the idea that Jem might have been the one that kissed her. Laying blame wasn’t going to help matters here.
“Why?” Jem slid into the seat opposite her desk and arched an eyebrow.
Ellie’s heart started to pound in her chest. “For a million reasons.”
“Such as?” Jem asked.