Page 48 of Loving Jemima
Ellie breathed. “Well, for a start I’m your boss.”
“So?”
“And then there’s the fact that we’re polar opposites.”
“Opposites attract,” Jem said.
The light was hitting her face and her skin looked luminous in a way that made Ellie want to stroke it. So she said the real truth, the part that really was non-negotiable for her. “And you’re not out.”
Jem’s eyes widened a fraction. “Sorry?”
“Jem… I get it. I do. I would never tell your secret and I’d never force anyone to come out before they were ready. But I equally can’t be involved in keeping a secret like that. I don’t want to sneak around. And I know, I should break out of my comfort zone, maybe you’re right about that. But this isn’t the way to do that.”
“I see.” Ellie could see Jem taking a deep breath and then nodding. “Alright, I can appreciate that. Thank you for your honesty.”
“You’re welcome,” said Ellie, trying desperately not to look at her mouth. “Back to being professional?”
Jem’s face tightened for just a second, then she nodded. “Back to being professional. No hard feelings.” She paused for a millisecond. “And no regrets either.”
Before Ellie could respond to that, the office door opened and this time it was Mo, glorious in cerulean today, with eyeliner to match, they waltzed in grinning fit to bust. “I’ve done it,” they caroled.
“Done what?” Ellie asked, half angry at being interrupted and half relieved that she didn’t have to explain herself further.
“Found the perfect band, and even better…” They paused for effect, a wide grin on their face.
“Yes?” prompted Ellie.
“They’re playing tonight and we have tickets to go and see them.”
Ellie’s heart sank. She needed sleep. She wanted to be home on the couch thinking about how she shouldn’t have kissed Jem and then thinking about how she shouldn’t have turned Jemdown. Because in her heart she was still torn. She knew it was inappropriate, but having Jem here right now was just letting her know that actually, she did rather like her.
“Where are they playing?” Jem was asking.
“There’s a gay club on the embankment close to where the boats dock.”
“Ah,” said Jem, looking half-afraid.
“But I’m sure you don’t need to come, if you have other plans,” said Ellie, taking pity on her and guessing that she might not want to be seen at a gay club.
“No, no,” said Mo. “I’ve got tickets for all of us, including Carys, and you too, El. There’s no excuses, this is work, you all have to come.”
Ellie took a look at Jem, who was smiling now, gracefully accepting and hugging Mo. And she was jealous. Jealous of the easy way that Jem touched Mo. Jealous of Mo for getting the hug. Which was about when she realized that it might not be as easy to stop her feelings as she’d thought. She really did like Jem. She liked her far too much.
Chapter Twenty
The problem with kissing Ellie was that Jem simply wasn’t done. It was like she’d opened some kind of dam, and all she could think about now was not just kissing Ellie but touching her and tasting her.
Which would be fine except for the fact that Ellie still wasn’t interested.
Jem was even okay with the no one night stand rule. Because she wasn’t stupid enough to think that she was never going to meet someone, that she never wanted to change. Ellie, for whatever reason, had a hold on her and Jem wanted more, wanted to get to know her, to have those long conversations that lasted all night with her.
She wanted to see how she could change, how someone else might make her a better person. Ellie with her sensible shoes and her regular job and her sharply pretty face might not have been the kind of person Jem thought she would fall for. But that moment at the hotel, when she’d leaned in and Ellie had leaned right back, everything had fallen away and the only thing that had mattered was that kiss.
So now what was she supposed to do?
Her car pulled up in front of the club and Jem climbed out, slamming the door behind her. She couldn’t remember ever having shown up at a party so miserable.
She wasn’t going to be unreasonable, she would never forceanyone to do anything. But the thought of having to spend more time with Ellie and not be able to touch her… It made her feel slightly sick.