Page 45 of Love is So Mean
Chapter 25
Yasmeena
He kissed me again and this isn’t the right thing to do when I’m upset. It sucks that with this disorder, my main emotion that comes to play is being angry or getting angry. The tears weren’t for my family, it was the frustration and now, it feels like I’m showing too much of myself with Enrique. This isn’t something we need to do. It’s not in the contract to do this much and him touching my face, it was… I don’t have the proper words for it but all I can think about is that his touch was tender. Something I’m not used to.
My eyes venture over to …my husband.
“Why did you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Why did you touch me like that? So…”
“So what?”
“So soft and almost as if I was so fragile.”
He appears confused for a moment as he concentrates on driving. He looks at me once he stops at a light. “I was gentle because I was wiping away your tears. No matter how much you upset me, I don’t want you hurt in any way. It’ll never be by my hands.”
This doesn’t help my understanding, I don’t get it.
“Okay, but why were you gentle?”
“Because that’s how it’s supposed to be. What were you expecting?”
“I wasn’t expecting anything at all. Expectations are a luxury in my world, even with all the wealth, I still know it won’t be offered to me.”
“What won’t be offered?”
“Expectations. I can’t expect anything at all. I never have.”
“Then that would make you the only person I’ve ever met who didn’t have expectations. We all have a baseline on how we’d want our interactions with others to be. What way could I have touched you that wouldn’t have you asking this question.”
“Maybe it’s not noticeable even with my work but I don’t expect any of my employees or partners to do this or that. I ask for your opinion every time even if what’s written in my report is all correct. You hate it and I know that but it’s just the only way I know how. And there isn’t a way for you to touch me. I didn't get comforted for shedding tears growing up, I’ve never understood a soft or gentle touch. That’s why I need to know why you did it.”
“It’s good to know because it’s not the way it appears. I get annoyed because it doesn’t feel like you’re seeking my opinion or approval. It feels like opinion is irrelevant. Just like our budget meeting for the relaunch. You didn’t tell me that you’ve done the work and want me to review it. You told me that it’s all there and should be correct as if I was wasting your time trying to review it. Word choices have connotations to the rest of us. I know about your disorder now but the rest of the company doesn’t. And rules are coupled with some level of expectation. Weren’t you counting the minutes when I wasn’t on time? Your thought was I would be at a certain place at a specified time and when I wasn’t you noticed, that’s some level of an expectation, Yas. I know no other way, I will comfort you if you’re upset.”
“You say expectation, I say set standard. I only noticed because from the second you started working for me, you were never late so that was an attribute added to your character. So it was off putting to see you be that late, it didn’t fit. And you can’t comfort me like that when I’m upset. I can’t add that to your character. What will happen if I beat cancer and get pregnant? The contract says when I get pregnant, you can go. I don’t want to be put off balance. It’s not right. Speaking of not right, my family… I apologize for their behavior and my Baba was right about one thing, I apologize for taking you away from your fiancée, it wasn’t a good call.”
Enrique pulls over and parks in a vacant lot. He takes off his seatbelt and turns in my direction.
“Thank you for the consideration and being willing to apologize, but they should be apologizing for their behaviorto you.As much as it annoyed me that my proposal somehow prompted you to get a suit tailored for me, I understand that you didn’t ‘take me’ the way it was suggested. You didn’t know that telling me you were sick would concern me enough to consume my thoughts. Hell, I didn’t know it would happen. Emily noticed my distraction and assumed you and I were fucking behind her back. She left me. It hurt that she didn’t trust my word. I was telling the truth but she still doubted me. I don’t mean to throw you off balance but I cannot change who I am for your convenience. It’s not something to beaddedto my character, it's already there. Even if you divorce me, I’m not disappearing out of your life.”
“Well, technically no because you’re my COO but your contract will be fulfilled. I don’t see a reason why you would stay. There isn’t a point and I can see why Emily was like that, your NDA keeps you pretty tight-lipped.”
“Let me be as clear as I can. A piece of paper doesn’t dictate how I feel or if I’ll care. A completed contract doesn’t changethat you will in fact be the mother of my child. It guarantees that I’ll always care, Yas. It’s not about if youwantme orneedme to care. I will care no matter what. It’s something you’ll have to learn to accept.”
“I need time to do something like that, Enrique.” I stay quiet for a moment and decide that I have to warn him. “My family is going to retaliate, I need you to know that.”
He nods as he digests what I’m saying. “I wouldn’t be surprised and I will stand my ground. I need you to know that I’d hit your brother again and maybe your dad if necessary, I will not tolerate disrespect towards you. They’ve gotten away with it far too long.”
“I’ll admit, it was very interesting to see. Very muchhusbandof you.”
“What kind of interesting? Atlanta Housewife interesting?”
“No, closing a deal interesting.”
Enrique smiles, leans closer to me and cups my cheek. “Good. It’s the only time I see you smile.”