Page 126 of Unlikely to Stay
Chapter 27
“Well, well, well.The prodigal son returns.”Brant tried not to sigh when he saw his first patient Monday morning was Marty Samson.Marty was standing at the front desk, his elbows on the counter.“I thought you turned tail and ran from that hottie little hair cutter once we ratted you out to the bar.”
Brant started to reply but Patty beat him to it.“Itoldyou, Marty.Doctor Billings’ mom got really sick and he had to go take care of her in the city.I knew he’d be back,” she said, winking at Brant.
“You got a momma?”Marty asked, his eyebrow cocked.
“Well, the stork didn’t deliver me from the sky,” Brant replied.Marty didn’t need to know his mom wasn’t the one who delivered him.
“Your momma needs to teach you not to shirk your responsibilities,” Marty complained.“There’s quite a large elderly population in our town.Hell, half our town coulda died while you were gone.”
“I didn’t see any fresh flowers or newly dug graves when I passed the cemetery on my way back into town, so I think it’s safe to say you all survived,” Brant said, plastering what he hoped was a sincere smile on his face.“Now, are you going to keep complaining about me being gone or are you going to actually come back here and tell me what’s wrong?”
Marty harrumphed.“Gettin’ kinda bossy, ain’t ya, Doc?”
“Well, I figure I have to since it’s the only way all of you stubborn asses will listen to me.”
Marty blinked at him for several seconds before pushing himself off the counter and walking through the door separating the waiting area from the examination rooms.“It’s about damn time you grew some balls,” he muttered.
Brant rolled his eyes as Marty stomped into examination room one.
“My, my.Someone has gotten a little feisty since he’s been gone,” Patty said with a smile.“What gives?”
Brant grabbed Marty’s chart off Patty’s desk and looked through it.“Nothing, Patty.Just trying to keep the old folk in Parker from walking all over me.”
“It’s the sex with CC, isn’t it?I bet you guys are having loads of amazeballs sex.”
Brant could feel his face turning red.“Patty!”
“What?Nothing wrong with having amazeballs sex.I wishIwas having—”
Brant walked off before his receptionist could finish her sentence.He didn’t want any images of diabetic sock wearing Patty having sex anywhere inside his brain.Squirting some Germ-X into his hands from the dispenser on the wall, he walked into exam room one and shut the door behind him.
“What seems to be the…shit!” Brant dropped Marty’s chart that had been shoved underneath his arm when he saw the old man standing in front of him…completely naked.
“There’s something wrong with my pecker, Doc,” Marty said, completely oblivious to Brant’s lack of professionalism.
“Marty, you didn’t have to get naked to tell me this,” Brant said, trying his bestnotto stare at the wrinkly old man balls on full display.
“Yeah, I did, Doc.I need you to give me a full-on examination.You know…like the one I had to do for the army and everything.Hold my balls.I’ll cough.”
Brant picked Marty’s folder up off the floor.“Nope.There will be no need for holding balls.Or you coughing.Just tell me what the problem is, Marty, and I’ll tell you if you need an examination.”
Brant turned to one of the cabinets in the room and found a patient gown.“But first, put this on so I can concentrate on what you’re saying.”
Marty rolled his eyes but did as Brant asked.He put his arms through the holes, tied the back around his neck, and shimmied onto the examination table.Brant looked down to notice Marty had left one item of clothing on his body—his Daffy Duck socks.Wow.
“So, as you probably know, me and Madge are an item now,” Marty said.
“I heard that.Congratulations.”
Marty shrugged.“She’s no Kelda, but she’ll do,” he said.“She’s not into the freaky deaky stuff as much as Burt says Kelda is.I’m hoping Kelda’s Karma Slutra class she’s gonna teach at the hair cutter’s gym will open up Madge to some new ideas.All she wants right now is missionary and my knees are too old to do that every damn night.”
“Karma Slutra?Do you mean Kamasutra?”
“Pu-tae-to, Pu-tah-to.Alls I know is I can’t keep banging my knees on that piece of board she calls a mattress.It’s killing me!”
Brant tried not to roll his eyes.He was learning way too much about Madge and Marty’s sex life.“Are you needing something for your knees, Marty?”