Page 127 of Unlikely to Stay
“No!Didn’t you see the problem?And you call yourself a doctor,” Marty grumped.
Brant started to point out the fact that he, in fact,wasn’ta doctor, he was just a nurse practitioner, but didn’t feel like that would do him any favors.“No, I didn’t see the problem, Marty.I guess I was a little startled to come into your room to see you totally naked when I didn’t tell you to strip.”
“You needed to see it!”
“Seewhat?”
“The fact that I can’t get it up!Madge and I have been going at it every night since we’ve been going out.Sometimestwicea night.I’m not as young and virile as I once was, Doc.Before you came in here, I was looking at a picture of Catherine Zeta Jones on my phone to try and get a little wood going but—” Marty dropped the gown to the floor.“Nothing!Look.As flat as a leaky balloon.What am I gonna do?She’s insatiable.Doc, you gotta help me!”
Brant rubbed his temples with the thumb and middle finger of his right hand.“Marty, how old are you?”
“Eighty-six.But I got a heart like a sixty year old.”
Brant looked through Marty’s chart.“No history of heart disease?”
“Nope.Healthy as a horse.”
“On any medication?”
“Just ibuprofen for my knees when Madge really wants me to—”
Brant held up his hand.“Don’t need the visual, Marty.”He continued looking through the old man’s chart.“Okay, Marty.I can give you a prescription for some Viagra.That should cure your problem.”
Marty fist pumped the air.“ItoldBurt you’d get me a prescription!He told me you were hoarding all the blue pills for yourself.”
Brant shook his head.“I don’t take Viagra, Marty.Burtcan’t take it because he has a heart condition.He probably shouldn’t be having sex at all.”
“Tell him and Kelda that.They go at it at least—”
“Don’t need the visual for that either, Marty.”
Marty held up his hands.“Okay, okay.I get the picture.You don’t wanna know about the old men’s sex lives.”
Brant finished writing out the prescriptions and ripped it off his pad.“I’ll give you this on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“You don’t shareanyof these pills with Burt.Got me?”
Marty waved his hand.“Oh, that’s no problem.He’s got his own distributor he found on craigslist.”
Of course he did.“Regardless.No sharing.Got it?”
Marty saluted.“Got it.”
“And Marty?”
“Yeah?”
“Next time, don’t drop your drawers unless I ask you to, okay?”
Marty saluted him again before walking out the door with his prescription of Viagra in hand.Brant sighed.Nothing like a Viagra visit from an octogenarian to get back in the swing of things.
“So…howwas your first day back?”
CC and Brant were sitting in CC’s favorite booth at Sadie’s, a plate of fried zucchini sticks with ranch in the middle of the table.Brant ran his hand through his hair and sighed.
“You don’t want to know.”