Page 59 of Imbalanced Minds

Chapter Thirty-One

Iris

Whiplash. Repetitive and very unwelcome whiplash. It’s like my life is on repeat, yet this time it’s more severe. This time, I have no doubt they’ll find me and try to end my life.

I was asleep most of the car ride home, but after waking up being carried to bed I couldn’t get back to sleep. So, I faked it to be left alone.

I heard Cory go to the garage, then someone else entered the house. I’m betting it was my brother. I managed to get out of bed to eavesdrop enough to hear Justin’s voice, so I went back to bed. I knew he’d be here; I just don’t understand why.

Jumping back in bed, it didn’t matter what I tried—I couldn’t summon sleep. I stealthy cocooned myself in blankets when Cory came to check on me again; this time he whispered about being back soon. If he knew I was awake he’d not have left. Something is definitely happening. They’re not telling me a damn thing, which hurts more than I’d like to admit.

After I hear the door latch click closed and a truck leave, I peer out the entrance window and find silence.

My curiosity gets the better of me, so I decide to have a look around. Looking through all the rooms to see what he’s done with them and what they hold.

A made queen bed sits in one room, its comforter just as bare in colour as the walls—I make a mental note to give it some feminine touches and colour. A second room is mostly bare, aside from a few boxes lining the back wall. Next is the lavish, all white bathroom which I already love; the gorgeous stainless fittings with two (a his and her) basins on a large vanity and a spacious walk-in shower. And my favourite of all, the giant white clawfoot bathtub in the corner. This bathroom is the size of my bedroom back in my old apartment.

Tears well in my eyes of all the memories I’ve had in that place, at the same time, overwhelmed by Cory’s beautiful home—our beautiful home.

The last door down the hall is locked. “Okay then, I won’t be going in that one.”

I make my way back down the hall past our bedroom; the biggest in the house with a super-sized king bed. This room is more masculine, with its black and grey accents throughout, just like downstairs, but with more of Cory’s personal touches. It warms me inside to see he’s got some of his personality somewhere.

Stopping at the door, a certain picture frame piques my interest. It reminds me of the photos I’m yet to take down in the apartment hallway. One, in particular, being my favourite. The one of Cory and I Natalie took on the sly.

Moving further into the room to get a closer look to see what’s inside has me rooted to the spot. It is my photo frame.

Picking it up, I look at how we’re looking at one another; as if no one’s watching us.

I prop myself on top of the bed and stare at it. The memory of Cor and Jay’s graduation has me reminiscing of times where life seemed uncomplicated, but the look in his eyes is the same possessive look he gives me now.

Quickly scratching around the inside of my bedside draw, I get my new journal and start writing.

I never thought after so much time Cory would ever reciprocate the same affection. I never would’ve envisioned falling in love this hard and for once being so excited for my future.

I can only hope it lasts forever and we can enjoy each other the way I’ve craved since we first met.

It’s a good feeling, being happy. It’s a good feeling being loved and psst, here’s my secret…

I’m off my medication… but guess what else…

I’M STILL HAPPY!!!

Always keeping it real (most of the time),

Iris x

I quickly rip out the page, fold it in half and sit it back in the draw with the journal, mentally noting to add it to the rest I have sitting at the apartment.

As I walk down the stairs to the kitchen for something to drink, I find a beer in the fridge and pop the cap. Might as well make the most of being awake and on my own.

I go over everything that’s happened in my life from being a happy, carefree ten-year-old, living on the farm with Mum, Dad and Justin to graduating college with my best friend Nat, to every last moment of the past few months and all the negative in my past before then.

I spent too many days, months—hell—years, trapped inside my head. Trapped in the darkness that consumed every fibre of my being that drowned the positive spark I once held. I vowed after I left hospital, after I moved in with Cory, that I’d no longer let my inhibitions or animosity toward myself come to light ever again.

I’m working incredibly hard to be the best version of Iris Jones I can possibly be.

A time passes, one drink turns to a few more as I sit in the lounge wallowing in self-pity, waiting for Cory to get home. It always amazes me, yet never surprises me, how my thoughts turn so miserable and cloudy whenever I have time to spare. Time to think.