Page 30 of Come Back to Me
“It wasn’t so awful for me, I got to have my roommate back,” she says with a smile. “You remembered us. It’s Cole who has suffered. You blocked out everything from the time he came into your life, but he hasn’t given up. I don’t think he ever will… He has so much belief in the love between you, he has remained determined to get you back without wavering, ever. That man loves you, Mia. Like, fairytale love.” She smiles, squeezes my hand, and wipes her eyes.
“Fuck! I wish what you’ve told me would trigger my memory. I want so much to remember. I guess it doesn’t really matter, because the new me loves Cole anyway. At least now I can understand why I fell so quickly,” I say with a small smile. “I am so angry that he didn’t tell me everything. I told him last night about Carter, and he said nothing. I understand now, I get it, but oh my God, Alex, I fucked up so bad. Cole doesn’t deserve this. Now that I know what he’s been through, I can’t put him through this too. I may never get my memories back, and that would be so unfair to him. He needs to forget about me and live his life.”
“Honey, you are it for that man. He hasn’t left your side in eighteen months. He almost lost his mind when he found out Carter got near you again. You really think he won’t wait a little longer?”
I know she is right. Cole needs me and I need him, but I don’t know how to go back to him without causing him more pain, and I can’t understand or accept him wanting me as this new Mia.This is all so messed up!
“Please tell me that you started with the biggest bomb, because I’m not sure I can take anymore. Jeez.”
“That’s the biggest one, I swear. Well, other than the baby…”
“What??!!”
“Kidding! Hahahaha!”
“Alex! Not the right time! What the hell, don’t give me a heart attack. So not funny. Your comedic instincts are the pits.”
“Sorry! You know I joke inappropriately when I’m under stress!”
I shake my head at my friend, who shrugs and mouths ‘sorry’.
“Let’s stop talking about me for a minute. Let’s talk about you and Chris… How is it going?” She squeals and puts a pillow over her face, and just like that my drama is tabled.
We spend the next few hours talking nonstop like twenty-something girlfriends are supposed to. It feels normal to just hang out with Alex again, and I’m grateful. I haven’t felt normal in forever. I’m happy to discover that she and Chris the bouncer have been dating for the last few weeks. Our break-in at the apartment pushed them closer together, and now she thinks they might be exclusive. ‘Might be’ means she’s dragging her feet. I realize that Alex has been going through all of this with me and Cole, with my parents. Everyone close to me has been affected by this awful series of events, compounded by my brain refusing to cooperate. Suddenly I need to see my mom and Richard. I need them to know that I love them and I understand. I may not remember, but I appreciate them and need to tell them.
I decide to nap before going over to see Mom, because frankly I’m exhausted and I’m gonna need all of my strength for later. I’m resting when Alex knocks on my door and walks in holding another envelope. “You got another note.” She lays it on the bed and smiles before walking out.
I sit up and hesitate, nervous about opening it. I don’t want a Dear Jane letter from Cole, even if I deserve one. I rip it open to find another folded paper. All it reads is, “miss you” just like the previous note. I run my fingers across the neat handwriting, wondering why Cole keeps leaving these. I pull my phone out of my purse and look at the screen. There’s a red bubble highlighting that Jack has texted me.Call me,it says.
Ugh, I don’t know how to handle him. I am fond of Jack and he has been a good friend… or has he? Something isn’t right about him and I can’t put my finger on it, but I m sensing that Jack may have something to do with my past.Later. I’ll call him later.
The second message is from an unknown number and I immediately know it’s Cole.
I need you.
Please come back to me. I miss you.
Please, Mia.
You are my hope. I can’t breathe without you.
I sit reading through message after message, my heart breaking a little more with each one. I’ve been waiting for my life to start, thinking I’ve been in limbo all along, when apparently I was a thriving, happily married woman just over a year ago.
Suddenly, I know exactly what I need to do. I feel invigorated as adrenaline drives me right out of my bed. I get up, grab Cole’s note, put it in my purse, shower, dress, and go to find Alex.
“What’s up? I thought you were taking a nap.”
“There’ll be time to sleep when I’m dead. Come on, we need to get an apartment. We can’t live our whole lives hiding from reality in this damn hotel. I don’t know if or when Cole might take me back. I’ll have to get that sorted out with him. In the meantime, we need to get back to living.”
Alex looks happily surprised. She grabs her purse to meet me at the door and says, “I like it! No time like the present.”
We spend the afternoon looking until we find a perfect apartment. It has great security, a nice view, and is even rent controlled! It’s available for immediate move in, so I drop Alex at the hotel to pack her things and she confirms that she will call my mom to let her know about our talk. I head over to Mom and Richard’s, straightaway.
When I arrive, I head straight up and don’t even call out when I walk into the house. I see Mom standing by the refrigerator and barrel into her, hugging her with all my might.
Startled, she yells, “Mia!” then hugs me back, equally fierce.
“I’m so sorry, mom. I’m sorry you’ve had to carry this burden. I still can’t remember more than random flashbacks, but I’m so glad I know, so I can say thank you! Thank you so much, for everything. I love you, mama.”