Page 45 of Tutor With Benefits

“How does that question even make sense?” I ask with a giggle.

“It just does,” Zach says. “I mean, think about it. Would you want to be with someone absolutely no one wanted to be with? No. It’s the same way with guys. It’s not that he wouldn’t want you per se, it’s just that if no one wants you, then there has to be a reason for it. Does that make sense?”

“That makes better sense than whatever it was you said the first time,” I tell him. “But I don’t want anyone else, and I don’t want anyone else to want me. I just want to get his attention at last.”

“Right,” Zach replies. He doesn’t hold my eye contact as he speaks, and for a moment I wonder if I said something wrong. But I dismiss it quickly. The professor is coming into the classroom, and it’s not going to be long before Johnny gets here, too.

My mind is instantly back on Johnny.

Today is the day, I can feel it.

With each passing second, the knot in my stomach gets tighter.

Johnny’s never late.

I don’t get the impression that he cares about school as much as I do, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s never late getting here. It’s one of the many things I admire about him.

Of course, I can’t say there’s anything about him I don’t admire.

Sure enough, Johnny comes walking in with his normal dreamy demeanor. My heart leaps right into my throat, and I sit up a little taller, quickly adjusting myself to make sure everything is just perfect. I’m not sure what to say, or if I should say anything.

“What do I do?” I whisper over my shoulder to Zach.

“Act natural,” he says. “He’ll notice.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“How can he not?” Zach replies. “Just keep doing you. Trust me, it’s not going to take more than a glance in your direction before he sees what’s going on, and he’s not going to be able to take his eyes off you.”

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“Yes, now shut up and act like you always do, or he’s going to think something’s up!” Zach hisses.

I’m pretty sure I want him to think something is up, and that’s why I’m doing this in the first place. But then, perhaps not. Maybe it would be better for me to act as though there’s not a single thing different about me and let him just wonder. He’s not noticed me beyond giving me the normal polite smile up until this point, let him wonder what happened and when.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Johnny sit down where he always does. It’s sort of next to me, sort of farther out so I can’t say we sit together in class. Far enough over that I can sneak glances at him every now and then—which evidently is how Zach caught on to me liking Johnny in the first place. But still far enough away that I don’t feel like he’s noticed me.

Or that he’s going to, either.

Professor Dirk starts up the class, and I don’t have any choice but to focus on the front. My heart sinks inside me as I almost panic.

What if Johnny doesn’t notice me even now?

What if this isn’t enough for me to get his attention?

What if I get his attention, and he’s not interested after all? I said the other day I would rather hear him say so than to have him ignore me, but now with him right next to me in this room, I’m not sure I could stand to hear the words without losing my cool.

It would be devastating in every sense of the word.

But, I know Zach’s behind me, and he’s keeping track of what’s going on in front of him. The whole reason that he and his friends are doing this with me is so I can get Johnny’s attention, so he’s bound to be taking notes on how things are going and what he should tell me to do differently.

At least, that’s what I assume.

The class drags on. Professor Dirk continues to drawl over the lesson and write on the blackboard as he does, but I can’t force myself to pay attention even if I want to. My mind is long gone on what Johnny is doing and thinking. It’s all I can do to keep myself from openly staring at him to see what he thinks of my new look.

But from what I can tell, he’s not even noticed me at this point.

The class drags on. I’m doing what I can to pay attention, but my mind continues to wander, and I can only hope for him to turn and look in my direction for some reason. But he’s engrossed in the lesson, and it doesn’t appear as though he’s going to have any reason to look in my direction.