Page 31 of Just Our Secret
Wade swallowed hard and linked his fingers in front of his mouth while his elbows rested on the table. “That’s better than nonconsensual, whether I want to think about it or not.”
“Right.”
“I don’t know, Andi. I think we fucked up.”
Alarm bells went off in my head. “What do you mean? Do you regret last night?”
“No,” he said quickly, then he sighed and lowered his head, gently tapping the top of it with his still clasped hands. When he met my eyes again, his were softer. “I will never regret being with you. That was… well, it was everything. I don’t regret it. But I’m realizing it might mean choosing between you and my best friend. I don’t think I’m going to be able to keep you both.”
Anger and guilt and sadness warred inside of me. I hated this for Wade. I hated that I’d fucked up in the first place and gotten with Chad. In reality, I couldn’t regret sleeping with him if it meant I wouldn’t have Liam, but I hated that my decision to do that was why this sucked so badly for us now. If that hadn’t happened, and they were all still friends, then Wade and I could have eventually been honest with each other about our feelings, and maybe Connor would have been cool about it. We were all more mature now, older, and it could have been handled properly.
“I don’t want you to have to choose,” I said quietly.
There was a long pause between us as we both stared at our plates. Finally, he sighed. “Would you be open to delaying the choosing? I’m just not ready to lose either one of you.”
The raw expression on his face made my chest tighten, and I nodded. “Okay. We’ll keep it between us.”
SIXTEEN
WADE
A month and a half after our glorious night together, we made it out on our first official date. I liked to remember that weekend by focusing on our night together rather than the dinner where Connor brought up Chad-the-douchebag. He’d made it clear that Chad’s shitbag status wasn’t solely based on his abandonment of Andi and Liam. Apparently for Connor, that came from his sleeping with Andi in the first place.
Bad news for me. Even if it’d been our only night together thus far, I’d still slept with his sister, and I had every intention of doing it again. We’d stolen kisses and done our fair share of sexting, but there’d been no opportunity between my schedule at the firehouse, school, Liam, and Connor generally being an engaged uncle, brother, and friend.
I would never actually wish he wasn’t so involved, but his awesome-uncle status made me pleasing my woman considerably more challenging than it would have been if he wasn’t so great. That said, he’d volunteered to take Liam to his parents’ house early today, so Andi and I planned to take advantage of that and go out before we headed back to our hometown for the Thanksgiving weekend.
Did he realize we were ditching the research symposium our professor had highly incentivized attendance at in favor of going on our first official date? Hell no.
We still hadn’t come clean with Connor, and that shit did not sit well with me. I wanted to be with Andi at all times, not just in the moments we knew there was no chance Connor could catch us. Whether by silent agreement or simple evasion, we’d ended up avoiding talking about it with each other and certainly with him. The shit show that ensued the last time we attempted had proven what we’d both been afraid to admit: Connor was not going to take it well, no matter when we told him.
For now? I planned to savor having Andi to myself. I wished we could spend the night at a hotel or something, but I’d take any part of her I could get. I’d suggested we drive back early tomorrow and take the opportunity to enjoy the fact that Liam was safe with his uncle and grandparents, but she worried about that seeming too obvious.
Maybe it would’ve been. Hard to say. We were fire together physically, but I liked everything about this woman, not just her body. If all I could get right now was time with her, even in public and fully clothed, then I’d take it.
Though damn if her body didn’t continue to be my favorite playground any little chance I could get. That thought had me slipping my hand down over the curve of her ass in her jeans that fit her perfectly.
“That’s a little handsy for a public outing.” She flashed me a disapproving look, though the way she bit her lip to hide a smile gave her away. She wanted me to touch her as badly as I wanted to touch her.
Heat spiked in my gut. “We’re twenty miles away from Grand U and another twenty from home. Connor is not about to see us at this Podunk holiday festival. I brought you here expressly for the purpose of being able to be handsy with you in public.” I leaned in and nipped at her ear.
She jerked away and laughed, then grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. “Good point. I need to relax, but I think my brain has trained itself to have a mild stress response to being with you.”
I squeezed her hand. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“It’s just the secrecy. Neither of us likes it, but here we are. It’s hard to let the guard down, but I want to. I want to enjoy being out with my boyfriend on a crisp fall evening.”
I didn’t hide my smile. “Boyfriend, eh?”
She scowled, then turned her attention to a display of cellophane-wrapped caramel- and chocolate-dipped apples in the booth where we stood. “Of course you’re my boyfriend. You think I go around holding hands with just anyone?”
“I hope not. And I’m very happy to officially be your boyfriend. I guess I figured as much, but we haven’t talked about it.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I assume you aren’t dating anyone else.”
Not a question, just a statement. “I am not, nor do I have any desire to. I definitely wouldn’t be trying to date you in secret if I had interest in someone else. It would honestly be way better if I didn’t want you. Unfortunately, my stupid-ass heart doesn’t seem to care.”
And that was an understatement for the record books. Because I loved Andi more now than I did yesterday or a month ago. Part of that was because we were closer now—we talked, we kissed and touched whenever we could, and we’d grown together in the last few weeks in ways we never would’ve as friends.