Page 67 of Out of Reach
“Because I’m serious when I say I want things to be different for us this time around.”
“You could tell me about your family and achieve that,” Jude said.
“I deserve that. I don’t blame you for being angry. I do want you to go with me. Will you?”
“Why now, though?”
“Because we’re starting over.” Hawk let out a breath. “Because you aren’t the only one I’ve hurt.” Withdrawing his hand from Jude’s knee, Hawk lay down on his back.
Jude wasn’t sure why he was hesitating. Years ago, he would have jumped at the chance to see the place where Hawk grew up. To meet his family. Was it resentment that held him back?
Jude didn’t think so. He’d given Hawk the prerequisite jab, and it had satisfied him that he’d reminded Hawk what a dick he was back in the day. What he was feeling now was more due to…fear.
And not just the fear for his life that had been constantly with him since the kidnapping, but the fear of the unknown. Jude had never had a real family, and he didn’t know how to act around Hawk’s.
“What’s wrong?” Hawk asked when Jude didn’t say anything for a long time.
Picking up his fork, Jude began eating again.
“Jude?”
“I’ll go,” Jude said, stomach turning over.
“But?” Hawk asked.
Shrugging, Jude said, “But nothing. I’ll go.”
“Why do I feel like you don’t want to? I thought it was one of the things you wanted to change.”
Sighing, Jude placed the tray on the floor beside the bed and turned to lie down facing Hawk. “It was. I want to meet your family very much. I’m just…scared, that’s all.”
“Scared of them? They’re nice people. And they know I’m gay.”
“I’m scared they won’t like me,” Jude mumbled, unable to meet Hawk’s eyes. When he laughed, Jude shoved him in the chest.
“Fuck you!”
Grabbing Jude’s arms, Hawk pulled him closer while Jude half-heartedly struggled.
“I’m sorry,” Hawk said into his hair, but Jude could hear the laughter in his voice. He pinched Hawk’s side, hard.
“Ow! Really, I‘m sorry. But you have nothing to be worried about. My family will love you.”
“I know nothing about them. And I know nothing about fitting into a family.”
“You’ll learn,” Hawk said, and kissed the side of Jude’s head.
“I don’t want to have to learn! I want to be able to walk in and act like I belong. Tell me about them.” Jude scooted closer and lay down in the crook of Hawk’s arm.
Hawk cleared his throat. “Well, my father has his own plumbing business. And my mom’s a nurse. My sister Lizzy teaches art in middle school. She’s getting married, but I haven’t met the guy, although they’ve dated for two years.”
“They sound great, so why do you avoid them?” Jude asked, tracing his finger along Hawk’s stomach.
“I just…it’s hard to put into words.”
Jude didn’t like the shame he heard in Hawk’s voice. “Will you try?”
Hawk was quiet a moment. Waiting, Jude ran his hand up to play with the soft, dark hairs on Hawk’s chest.