Page 95 of Because of Blake
“And third, if I want to take a vacation with my kids, by myself, I can. They’remykids, and I don’t have to share everything we do.”
Blake’s wide eyes flick between mine, his brow furrowing as he searches for something in my gaze. He must come up empty, because his eyes fill with defeat, and he swallows. “Okay, noted.” He slides his arm out from under me and scoots off the bed. “I’m going to go. You should rest.”
I sigh. “Blake, I’m sorry.” I rub my eyes, pressing my fingers into the lids. “I’m just really tired.”
“It’s okay, Maggie. I know.” His words are laced with sadness as he leans down to kiss the top of my head. He runs his hand down my head, smoothing down my stray hairs, and stops to cup my cheek. “I didn’t mean anything by it. You can do whatever you want with your life and kids anytime. Now get some sleep.”
I watch Blake amble out of the room, a listlessness in his step as he gently shuts the door. With an exasperated groan, I flop onto my back. Tears form in my eyes as I stare at the ceiling and wish I wasn’t this way.
I told myself I would be better this year. I told Sydney I would be better, and here I am, failing already. March isn’t even over. Am I really going to let the overwhelming emotions which April brings turn me into a worthless pile of devastation? I have for four years now. Why did I think year five would be any different?
Chapter twenty-nine
Islideachipinto the salsa in front of me, sighing as I do. Michelle is never on time. I should know better than to rush out of the office. I might as well order since I know what she wants.
No sooner do I have the thought, Michelle flops into the booth. “Sorry,” she says without even looking at me while she takes off her coat and settles into her seat. Her eyes land on the chips and salsa first. “Ooh, yum. I’m starving.”
“So am I.”
“I said sorry.” She pops a salsa loaded chip into her mouth. “So, what’s the haps, Mags?”
“Not much. Trying to get into the swing of things after vacation.”
“Yeah, that’s always a bitch. Was Cali fun, though?”
I nod. “We literally didn’t stop, and I hardly got any sleep. But it’s worth it to make those kinds of memories with the kids.”
“I bet Blake missed you, though.”
“Oh yeah. He and I texted every day and every night before bed.”
“Awwwww. So, did he give you a big welcome home present?” Michelle locks eyes with me, eyebrows bobbing.
“Ha ha, no.” He’s messaged me a few times over the weekend to check on me, probably because I bit his head off Friday afternoon. I told him the kids and I needed some time to adjust to being home before they went back to school today, which seemed to satisfy him.
“No? That man is absolutely smitten with you, and you’re going to sit there and tell me he didn’t fuck the ever loving crap out of you? I call BS.”
My mouth drops open. “Crude much? While I can assure you Blake takes care of my needs, after he picked us up at the airport, we had a wonderful drive home where the kids promptly settled back into their lives, and I was so tired I needed a nap. Not an all-out sex fest.”
Michelle rolls her eyes, looking eerily similar to the emoji she sends so often. “Okay, so you two took a nap together? That’s cute, I guess.”
“It would have been if that’s what happened.” I drop my gaze to the table.
“Uh oh. I know that look. What happened?”
I pinch the napkin on my lap between my fingers and twist it. “He brought up the fact he didn’t come on the trip.”
“Yeah. I thought it was weird he didn’t go. What’s with that?”
I huff and sit back against the booth, folding my arms. “I don’t know. It slipped my mind, I guess. Which I don’t even know how since I remember the kids asking if he was coming when we planned it. I told them I’d check to see if he could take the time off work, but I guess I never did.”
“Got lost in your head again, huh?”
“Yeah, but also why does everyone think it’s so weird for me to spend quality time with my kids? This is exactly what I went off on Blake about. He doesn’t have to be in on everything.” My words are clipped, much like how I was with Blake a few days ago.
“Geez. Okay, okay. It just seems like something you’d want him around for.”
“It’s not that I don’t want him around. I just wish it wasn’t such a big deal for me to do things without him.”