Page 16 of Paying The Vampire

Willow

Sympathy grew within my heart for Cassius as I heard his tale of woe. From the way he spoke I imagined there must have been many years between then and now, so many lifetimes that passed before him. I could tell from the way he spoke that it still stung though. I wondered if I should treat it as a cautionary tale; that perhaps I should simply give up on the promise of the wolf inside because it might cause me more distress than provide tranquility. However, his words rang true. I could easily imagine myself being seized by regret, so the search continued.

I passed along rows and rows of books, fascinated by the mystery and knowledge held within. The tomes were old, far older than I had ever been. It made me think about the authors of them, whose light had long since faded, the only thing left of their lives resided within these pages. There were books on all the different subjects of the world, and I found myself in awe of this repository of knowledge. There were subjects that I had heard of, and subjects that were entirely foreign to me. It dawned on me that there were so many things I didn’t know that I didn’t know, and for the first time I actually started to believe that there might be an answer for me here, that Cassius might have actually saved me from myself.

He continued to speak, his words echoing around the high chamber of the library while I examined the bookshelves. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was looking for at first. I hoped there would be some book on lycanthropy that would be an easy solution, but I somehow knew that this wouldn’t be the case. I did see some books regarding werewolves, but these were books written in warning of the creatures, describing them as foul and savage, and while there was perhaps more truth to these words than I would have liked to admit I did not need to trouble myself by immersing myself in these words.

I needed to find the answer to my problem.

But there was one book that stood out to me. It was a fresh, leather bound book and the cover was colorful, unlike the faded tomes with the crumbling spines. The other books were like mountains ready to fall into the sea, while this one was a lush field that was still brimming with life. It was almost as though someone had wanted me to find it, for I could think of no other reason why it would be placed here. It shared no common themes with the books surrounding it. As I reached towards it I felt a sense of danger, of trepidation, yet this was not enough to stop me from doing so. Perhaps this could be the book that held the answers I sought.

I pulled it from the shelf, its cover sliding between the other books, and opened it. A note fluttered out like an autumn leaf. I bent down to pick it up, but as I looked at the words that were scrawled on it I was frozen with terror. The note seemed written for me, a message left by the last companion.

He lies. Cassius lies. Don’t trust him. Get out of here while you can, whoever you are – Clea

Clea. His previous companion. He told me that he had released her, but what if he had lied? Could I trust this stranger who I had never met? She claimed he lied, but about what? About his intentions? About his promises? I flipped the note over back and forth, hoping that more information would reveal itself, but the words remained the same. The message was clear, however.

I should not trust Cassius.

My blood ran cold. I didn’t want to believe it, and yet he was still a stranger to me. Had I been blind to the danger that surrounded me? The more I thought about it the more I realized how in denial I had been. The man was a lonely vampire living in a castle. He claimed that the other vampires had been killed in a war, killed by whom? His other companion was a woman of mystery. He claimed to have released her, but had he? I had no way of contacting her… or did I? Perhaps there was something in this room or this castle that might help, if she was still alive. If she had the answers that I sought then I needed to speak to her. I needed to know what she knew, and I could not allow Cassius to think that I doubted him.

Trust was important to him, and I knew he wanted us to be close. He may not have admitted it himself but he was a lonely man, not just a lonely vampire. There were longings that all men had, whether they were alive or undead. I felt the way he looked at me when I sang, the way his gaze lingered as I descended into the dining room. I was a little ashamed to think I had even welcomed it, but I was going to have to pretend to feel the same way while I figured out what was really going on here, otherwise he would know that something was wrong, and then I might see another side of him.

I stuffed the note in my pocket and put the book back on the shelf. I gathered some copies of other books, and when I rounded the corner Cassius was right there. The silence of his steps was unnerving. The smile might well have been handsome, or it could have been sinister. It was hard to tell in the dim light. He was so many things, but was he now my captor or my savior? Would he be my end, or my new beginning?

I had to know the truth, and I was only going to be able to do that by myself.

“You were spending a while back there. Did you find anything of interest?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you. I just became absorbed in these books. I think I might go and study them for a while. I think it’s best to get on with my research while I’m here. Are we going to have dinner again tonight?” I asked, forcing a smile upon my face, hoping that he would not realize that I was feigning interest.

“Of course. I thought tonight we could have dinner in the upper courtyard, under the stars.”

“That sounds wonderful,” I said. “If you don’t mind I think I might remain in the library a while to see if there are any other books.”

Cassius inclined his head and then walked past me. I caught the faint scent of ash as he did so, and my gaze followed him as he left the room. I did not realize I had been holding my breath until he exited the library.

Chapter Thirteen

Cassius

I stood at the edge of the parapet in the upper courtyard. It was a part of the castle that was open to the elements. Behind me the tower rose, jutting up into the sky like a dagger, the dark gargoyles staring at me, almost taunting me. I turned away from them, not wanting to hear their whispers tonight.

But still they came.

She is going to discover what you really are. What you really did. She is going to learn the truth, just like the other one. You are not the man you claim to be. When are you going to let the mask slip? You call yourself survivor, but you are not a survivor you are a-

“Silence!” I yelled, my word cutting through the bleak atmosphere. I turned around, my cloak billowing as I stared at the stony expressions of the gargoyles. Their mouths were unmoving, but their eyes still judged. I blinked and rubbed my head, trying to ease away the band of tension that stretched across my scalp. I felt as though I was wearing a crown of thorns and all I wanted was to tear it away, but I could not find a grip. I strode to the very edge of the courtyard to try and put the gargoyles out of my mind. Perhaps this had been a mistake. My head twisted from side to side and I clasped my hands behind my back, picking at the edges of my fingernails. My weight shifted between my feet. I could not let Willow see me like this. I could not let her think the worst of me, not like Clea.

I closed my eyes in thoughts of that other girl. My mistake loomed large in my life. My judgment had been unclear and I had allowed certain things to get the better of me. It was not the first mistake I had made, and it probably would not be my last. But things would be better with Willow. Yes, I told myself, Willow was kinder and gentler and I had learned from my mistakes. She would be everything I wanted her to be, and perhaps more. I had already been impressed with her determination, her directness, and her strength. She had not cowered in fear at this world.

I could not imagine her cowering in fear towards anything.

I stared out at the bleak horizon, watching the mist crawl over the barren land. It looked as though a blanket had been draped over the world. I sighed as I lifted my gaze to the heavens. The sky was so dark it was hard to tell where the land ended and that began. The moon was but a sliver, and it looked blood red. This world was dying, and many had died before it. It was the last kingdom and I the last king, king of ruins and ash and regret.

I had set a table up in the courtyard and spirited food to create a meal. It was not as lavish as the one I had conjured for her before, but neither was it made from distasteful ingredients. Perhaps what it lacked for in flair it made up for in its palatability. But where was she?

Time ticked by and I paced. As a vampire I had developed a keen appreciation of the passage of time. I still remember how I had been scared of it when I had been a human, rushing around to try and make sure that I achieved something before my time in the world was completed, wanting to leave a mark so that my name would live on in infamy. Over the years I learned how foolish that had been. I had seen so many people fall into the same trap, grinding themselves to dust as they sacrificed everything, but who remembered them? Everything turned to ash eventually, everything burned by the perennial flame of time that consumed everything, its hunger unabated even after eons had passed. And what good did being remembered do? I could almost laugh at my own folly. The only joy you can take from life is in the sensations you experience, not in what comes after. People fell like dominoes, and the legacy did not matter once they had fallen.