Page 69 of Expecting in Oceans
“Hey, so are we going down to the beach?” the big alpha named Rainor asked. “I think Delos is going to melt if we don’t get him into some water.”
Delos stood in a pool of shade cast by a wide-brimmed black hat he’d just donned, and his face was drenched with sweat. “Ice dragon,” Delos explained. “It’s hot.”
“I’m feeling okay, Pop,” his son Oli said cheerfully.
“Be thankful for that slice of human you have, son. I’m melting like an ice cube.”
“Let’s get going, then!” Kai said. “I’ll get the carts ready. Ari, could you help me with the horses?”
“Horses?” Rainor said excitedly. “We’re riding horses?”
“We usually take a horse-drawn cart down to the beach, but we can put you on horseback if you want,” Kai said. “Visir, could you get everyone some fruit in the meantime? I think Grandma has fresh guava and mango in the storeroom. We’ll be right back.”
“Of course,” Visir said.
Kai and I went to the stable and worked on getting the horses bridled and hitched to the big passenger cart.
“I’m impressed with your organizational efforts,” I told him. “You’re putting in a lot of initiative.”
“Thanks, Dad,” he said with a mild laugh.
“Please don’t call me that, Kai. I’m being sincere with you. And I never asked to be the family taskmaster. I would’ve much preferred being able to join you and the other cousins on your adventures, but that’s not what life had waiting for me.”
“I wish you could have,” he replied, throwing a saddle onto the back of our biggest horse.
We worked in silence as I simmered with irritation. Kai and I always inevitably butted heads—but I’d also never fully talked to him about the way things had been for me. I’d never really allowed for a moment for us to get closer.
“You know,” I said. “My father was so set on the idea of me not only inheriting the role of clan healer but one day becoming a chief, too. But that day you showed everyone your skills with the wakka and fulfilled Grandma’s old prophecy, it was as if he completely stopped caring about what I could do. You remember when he and my mother left the island.”
Kai nodded. “Yeah, I do. It was a big thing. Looking back, it’s pretty crazy that they had you become the clan healer at that age. I mean, you handled it pretty well, though. We were just kids, but you were always on me about my condition.”
“I think that I felt like if I was no longer going to be chief, then I needed to make sure to take care of the person who would be. It was what I thought would make my father happy. Or proud. So, being by you all the time, it hurt to see what I thought was you wasting your life refusing that responsibility. One that I’d suffered and gone through so much for, for nothing. But now I understand how unfair it was of me to think that way. That hurt was real, but you weren’t wasting your life. You were just taking your own path. And… maybe that was what I really wanted. My own path.”
“I know I can be a difficult fucking konaka a lot of the time,” Kai said. “But I know you were looking out for me. As irritating as it was for me, I do appreciate it. You’ve saved my life more than once. I mean, shit, in a strange way, it’s thanks to you I’m with Visir.” He smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry for always yanking your line, yeah? It’s just become so normal, I do it without thinking.”
“We all get stuck in ways of doing things,” I said. “Bad habits, tendencies, patterns. This pregnancy has opened my eyes to a lot of mine. I’m ready to break out of more than a few of them, even though it feels as easy as swimming out of a whirlpool in human form with both arms tied behind my back. But I’d love to start some new, kinder habits with you, Kai. I really am proud of where you are right now.”
“Thanks, Ari,” he said, then added, “I’m really glad you were able to talk to me about all that.”
“Yes, well… You know this sort of thing has never been easy for me. But I’m trying.”
Kai climbed up into the driver’s seat, and I got up next to him.
“I haven’t changed my mind, though,” he said.
“About?”
The cart rattled onto the path.
“You’re going to be a great father.”
“I fear my confidence isn’t as strong as yours, Kai.”
“Hey. Just because your dad could be a piece of shit doesn’t mean you’re cursed to be the same, yeah? You’re learning about yourself. Like you said, tendencies can be broken. Nothing is set in stone.”
I smiled. “Istil said something similar.”
We brought the cart to the front of the house. Istil and Thran had come outside, and I offered a hand to help Istil up into the back of the cart. Everyone followed, except for Rainor, who mounted the saddled horse we’d brought for him.